Weapons Of Mass Seduction

Tis the Season for Sensual Eating

2011-11-26T09:20:00.002-05:00

For a variety of reasons, the holidays can be a stressful time for many people. If you're watching your waistline, this can be a particular trying time. Putting the sensuality back into your supper has the power to transform a simple bite into a blast of pleasure with every morsel that passes your lips. And mindful eating will not only going to make your holiday meals markedly more pleasurable, it’s an excellent dieting tool because it lends itself to portion control and keeps you from overeating.

Here are five dieter-friendly tips to help you savor your holiday season:

1. Wake up your tongue with new tastes and textures. When it comes to appetizers, treat yourself to new taste sensations by trying unfamiliar foods. This way you won’t pile your plate up with the tried and true, thus limiting your pre dinner calorie intake.

2. Avoid calorie laden cocktails. Cocktails can be a real diet buster if you don’t watch your bar intake. Spirits (vodka, gin, rum, etc.) have more calories than beer and wine, and when you add the mixes and fruit juices to the glass the calorie count keeps on growing. Drinking a glass of water in between each cocktail will help you manage as well.

3. Control the amount of food you put on your plate. The holidays are not the time to deny yourself the delight found in familiar and comforting foods. Think portion control instead. Consuming smaller amounts will allow you the pleasure of partaking in your favorite foods, and help you watch your diet.

4. Don’t just taste your food, savor it. Take a bite of one dish and before chewing, savor the taste, textures, temperature, and sensations created in your mouth. Now chew slowly, taking the time to relish every bite. Not only will you enjoy your food more, you’ll be taking in less.

5. Join the conversation. Put your fork down between bites and engage yourself in the dinner table conversation. You’ll walk away from the table feeling more in touch with your family and less stuffed than normal.
Eat, drink and be merry!

Upcoming Stiletto U Events

2011-09-05T14:00:00.004-04:00

Here's my event schedule for the next few weeks. If you're nearby, I hope you'll come out and join us. And if you have friends in area, please send them the information and encourage them to join in on the fun!

Sept. 5...Bliss Network. Listen to my conversation with the Bliss Lady, Teri Williams on Empower Radio. Listen here.

Sept. 15...7:00 PM Blue Marble Book Store. 551 Carpenter Avenue, Philadelphia, PA I'll be doing a reading and discussion from The Power of WOW.

Sept. 17...1:00pm EST Coach BettyLive on The Positive World Network.

Sept. 21...7-9 PM EST Twitter Party! We're chatting up sex, sensuality and anything else you'd like. RSVP by following @StilettoU, and check out #PowerofWOW. Win free gifts including a sensual bath basket by Babeland, free coaching sessions and more!

Sept. 27...5:00 PM EST Stiletto U Q & A on Learning Annex Channel on Ustream I'll be answering the top questions asked by my clients and during workshops. If you have a question, send it to stilettou@yahoo.com by Sept. 25. $.99

5:40-6:00 PM EST 7 Seductive Tips for The Shy and Sexy. Learning Annex Channel on UstreamLearn seven sexy moves that are highly effective and comfortable to execute. $.99

The Great Male Survey '11 Pt. 2 Lifestyle

2011-08-05T17:38:00.005-04:00

The insight continues. Part two of the Great Male Survey delves into the lifestyle choices of men. Did you know that the majority of men own only four to six pairs of shoes. And that's a lifestyle choice! And apparently, 36% feel it's cool only to cry following the death of a loved one. Interesting tidbits to help you understand men...yeah like that will ever happen! :-)

The Great Male Survey '11 Pt. 1 Dating & Sex

2011-07-26T20:12:00.007-04:00

Askmen.com has just released their annual male survey. I thought it interesting that included on the list of women they were tired of hearing about was Lady Gaga (20%), Sarah Palin (25%) and Kim Kardasian (17%). I thought I was the only one! Read on and see what's on the minds of our brethren. (The photo above is strictly for eye candy purposes!)

Havin' Your Cake: Coming Out of Celibacy

2011-07-18T09:02:00.005-04:00

I was at a social function yesterday when a woman came over and asked if she could speak with me. She'd heard about my work as a sensuality coach and author and wanted to ask a question about a friend. I wasn't sure if the friend was real or simply a privacy prop, but I was game to listen and give whatever advice I could.

Seems her 'friend' had a problem. Over fifty and divorced for many years, she'd recently began dating a man and after three dates, had determined that even though she found him attractive and interesting, they didn't have any sexual chemistry. I did suggest that maybe she give it a little more time, that sometimes, for some people, the chemistry beneath takes time to penetrate layers of past experiences and emotional fears before it can bubble to the top. But she insisted that because her 'friend' had been celibate for over a year, that the right man should and would get her juices flowing immediately.

Perhaps but more than likely not.

Here's the thing, I explained, long-term celibacy is like going on serious diet. Let say you decide that you are going to eliminate sweets from your diet, and after two weeks or two months, someone puts your favorite chocolate cake in front of you. The likelihood is that you are going to be tempted to taste that cake. Your mouth still remembers the creamy taste of luscious chocolate. Your head tingles at the idea of the coming sugar rush. And if that baker's delight stays in front of you too long, the probability of you licking yummy icing from your lips is going to be strong.

But let's say that same damn, trying to bust my diet, person puts a cake in front of you after nearly two years of not eating any desserts. You've gone so long without sugar and chocolate that you've lost your craving for sweets. The temptation to taste is just not there anymore. You have effectively blunted your desire.

The same is true for sex. Long spans of celibacy (whether voluntary or imposed) forces a similar state upon you. When your brain is no longer continually filled with thoughts of sex and you shut down your sexual energy as well as your physical sexual functions, you shut down your desire. And if you're not careful, you also shut down thinking about yourself as a sensual, sexual being.

My bottom line advice for her friend was to spend sometime alone reviving her sexual energy and putting sex back on her brain. Like those Jimmy Choos or that chocolate cake you can’t get off your mind—the more you think about something, the more you have to have it. Sex is no different. If she woke up her sexy mind and got reacquainted with her inner sexiness, she might find that the chemistry was there all along.

What do you think?

A Friend in Need is A Friend with Benefits

2011-07-11T16:52:00.004-04:00

It's just these times, when popular culture meets my real life in a way that just doesn't make sense, that I feel like I'm slowly morphing into a grown up. Okay, my mother. There I said it.

Here's what's happening. Justin Timberlake has a new movie out called "Friends with Benefits." And, in an effort to appear hip and current to my 22 and 18-year-old, I brought the movie up at dinner by saying, "I don't get this whole friends with benefits thing. It just seems like a big set up for a guy friend to have relationship sex without commitment while his girl friend ends up with sex and no relationship. So who actually benefits?"

"That's just the way young people do it now," they informed me. I did note that they didn't use the word "we do" or "I do" and I wasn't sure if that was because they don't believe it or they weren't trying to have me smack dab in their personal lives. So, naturally I pressed on. I won't reveal what I found out about my young adults and their sex lives, but I will say, that I am feeling better about their personal roles in this younger generation's insistence on taking the relationship aspect out of all things sexual.

So in an effort to protect their privacy, I'm only using excerpts from the conversation.

"I just don't get it because I don't think it has a chance in hell of really working 99.5 percent of the time," I said to them. "It takes a rare woman, at any age, who is secure enough in herself, sexually and otherwise, to be able to sustain a long-term sexual relationship with a friend. Sure a one night horn trimmer (I don't think I actually used this term), absolutely. Maybe even two, but 'hooking up' on the regular is damn near, scientifically impossible.

"Here's why," I school them. "When you have sex you release a cocktail of hormones including dopamine (the "I gotta have it" desire and reward hormone), serotonin and endorphins (the "happy" hormones)and oxytocin (the "cuddle" or bonding hormone). And I don't care how many water bottles full of vodka got them into bed, it's not enough to ward off what's happening in their brains, especially hers.

"When it comes to the science of love," I continued.

"Science of sex? Really?" my daughter said with the slightest tinge of embarrassed disgust to her voice.

"Yes, science. And I don't care if you did just graduate from high school, this is one science lesson you'll want to learn." Ignoring her eye rolling, I continued, "When you have an orgasm (note the cringing of their faces) you release oxytocin, which makes you want to cuddle and bond with the person. Now, the theory goes that the more a couple has sex, the closer they become."

"Well if that's true, then boys would feel closer too," my daughter suggested. And rightly so, bless her sweet, inexperienced heart.

"True, but men are wired to procreate so they and their testosterone levels," I began to explain but decided to stop and stick to the original subject. "But that's a whole different science lesson.

"So if it's true what you're saying that the boy friend will tend to hook up with more than one girl, while his girl friend will tend to hook up only with him, then she's just setting herself up for a case of unrequited love. Which leads me back to the original statement, who's actually benefits?"

Silence. With that question left in their heads, I figure my work is done and they depart, happy to get away from their mother trying to discuss what happens when they have orgasms. But I can't stop my mind from thinking about how in the good old days, friends with benefits meant you always had a supportive ear and a warm hug to turn to when you had a fight with your actual boyfriend. That your closet was mine and mine was yours. That I'd cover for you with your parents, and you'd cover for me with mine.

I can't help thinking that by trading casual sex for commitment, kids these days are cheating themselves in ways they will spend many years and lots of money in therapy to figure out. They aren't training themselves to be partners, husbands and wives, only selfish lovers. They've traded face-to-face intimacy for efficiency and real time words that aren't even words, but instead abbreviations and emoticons texts to express their feeling. Their intimate lives, emotional and physical, have little true intimacy. Romance is something they read about in books. And the fear of getting hurt stunts their ability to love before they've ever experienced it.

As my dad often says, "It's a damn shame."

Stiletto U Comes to the Learning Annex

2011-07-08T17:41:00.006-04:00

Stiletto University is coming to The Learning Annex via Ustream on July 19th at 2:20pm. I'll be 'teaching' two quickie lessons (approximately 20 minutes). See below for class descriptions and then follow the link to Ustream to register for this PPV class. The best $0.99 you ever spent!

The Power of WOW: Tips to Unleashing the Confident, Sexy You July 19th 2:20-2:40pm.

Have you ever noticed that some people just seem to turn heads and get noticed where ever they go? Do you find your self wondering, “What do they have that you don't?” Well wonder no more. The Power of WOW will teach you the basic tenants of unearthing and unleashing that indefinable “it” factor that we all possess but most of us don't know how to access. From the bedroom to the boardroom and everywhere in between, the Power of WOW will teach you how to unearth and unleash your personal brand of WOW in order to live the life you desire.

Let Your Bad Girl Come Out to Play: How to Become Deliciously, Delightfully Scandalous July 19th, 3:00 PM - 3:20 PM ET

In her work as a sensuality coach, Lori Bryant Woolridge found that the number one wish of her students was to shed their good girl ways and add a little naughty to their nice. If you're wondering why your inner desires don't match your outer persona, and are dying to change but have no idea where to begin, I'll show you how to let your bad girl come out to play so you can become a lovely, lusty lady you want to be.

See you in class!

Declare Your Independence

2011-07-03T22:11:00.008-04:00

Happy Fourth of July! On this day of national independence, consider declaring a little personal freedom of your own. Pick one thing that you're doing to please someone else or to conform to society that is in direct conflict to your personal desire or tastes. Here are a few ideas to consider:

Go gray. The average woman spends $330 a year on coloring her hair. Eager for authenticity, more women are celebrating their silver locks rather than hiding them. Perhaps it's time for you to consider freeing yourself from the erroneous idea that gray hair makes you look old. Let the silver fox emerge, get a sexy modern haircut and prepare to turn some heads. Remember, it's the way you think and act that makes you look old, not the color of your hair.

Wear a bikini, even if only in the backyard. Liberate your thoughts about perfect bodies and fatal figure flaws. Let the sun kiss as much as your body as possible and move proudly, appreciating the fact that you possess a healthy, functioning body, and knowing that sexy is as sexy does!

Make yourself visible. No need to make a scene, but let the bright colors, fashions, and accessories of summer help you stand up and out in the crowd. Throw on a statement necklace or some big and bold, 'can't miss me' earrings. You'll feel lighter and brighter attract more positive energy in return.

Embark on your personal pursuit of happiness. Decide to do something this summer that you've always wanted to do, even if nobody else wants to join in. Travel somewhere new, take a pole dancing class or learn a new language. Do you for a change. No excuses. No regrets.

Create some fireworks of your own. Give your good girl some freedom as well this Independence Day. Try something new that you've read about, seen or heard about to shake up your love life and get the fire cracking. (Need ideas? Check out Can't Help The Way That I Feel.)

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If it's good enough to define a nation, it's good enough to define you!

Friday Flirt Tip: Backseat Booty Call

2011-07-01T10:39:00.005-04:00

A recent survey says that 65 percent of Americans have had sex in a car. I don't know about you, but I was always taught that car sex was definitely a bad girl move that good girls would never consider. But now, I'm thinking...not so fast. What a delightfully scandalous move to add to your arsenal of flirty, sexy, good girl moves!

The thing about car sex is that it just reeks of erotic spontaneity. Done the right way, your bad girl can come out to play and take him for the ride of his life!

So let's clarify: from a bad girl perspective, car sex would include sex with a stranger in a public place. While the voyeuristic aspect of this approach can have a certain appeal for some, this can present a myriad of problems, including getting slapped with a misdemeanor and charged with public indecency or indecent exposure.

So if you want the only handcuffs used to be yours, consider our naughty but nice good girl spin on this park and play activity--hot and sweaty car sex with your man in the safety of your own garage.

If you're game, climb into the driver's seat and plan your sexy ambush. Get a handle on when he will arrive home and listen for his arrival, prepared to pounce. As soon as he pulls in and turns off the engine (a true safe sex move in this instance), shut the garage door and dressed in as little as possible, pull him into the back seat and jump his bones. He'll be totally surprised and you'll get sexy brownie points for being his hot, imaginative and spontaneous nasty girl.

Feeling just a bit more freaky? Try this outside in the driveway. Just make sure you're not parked under a streetlight and your neighborhood watch isn't on patrol!

The Power of Wow is Here

2011-06-30T12:46:00.003-04:00

Hello Ladies,

I'm so thrilled to share the exciting news with you that The Power of Wow: A Guide to Unleashing The Confident, Sexy You is now available. This book has been a labor of love and includes the coaching curriculum I designed when I began my sensuality coaching nearly five years ago. With the help of many students along the way, I have streamlined and refined it into what actress, Debi Morgan (Angie from All My Children) raves: "Finally! A book that teaches women how to be genuinely sexy and for all of the right reasons!"

New York Times bestselling author Zane says: "Lori Bryant-Woolridge puts the power of sex into every woman's hands."

And Dr. Linda Clever, author of The Fatigue Prescription, declares, "The Power of Wow helps you examine your preferences and habits, and offers refreshing, practical alternatives. It is self-help with a flair. Read it and do it!"

I'm proud to say that these are just a few of the raves reviews that have been coming in for The Power of Wow. But if you tend not to believe the hype, believe the women who have used this program to improve, enrich and change their lives.

"This is the best thing that's happen to me in a decade!" says Stiletto U alumni Dina. "I just want you to know that this book will make you a woman!"

And Gigi wants you to know that, "This program is so much richer than its fun exterior would indicate. It's really centered around issues of authenticity and self-worth, and the benefits are not just for the personal/intimate relationships, but for all relationships. Through Stiletto U, I woke up to appreciating and being more alive in the world, and that's a gift worth its weight in gold."

This is a book for women of all ages, races, and social and sexual circumstances. If your feminine confidence could use a real boost, and you'd like to unearth the sexy, confident you, please consider purchasing The Power of Wow. Also, consider registering w Stilettou.com. You'll have the chance to join a study group, which will give you access to live chat sessions, coaching discounts and other goodies.

I do sincerely hope you will consider purchasing your copy of The Power of Wow: A Guide to Unleashing the Confident, Sexy You. And please, by all means, tell your friends!

I Am Woman

2011-05-17T16:56:00.005-04:00

I think it's alway good to remind ourselves just how powerful and amazing we women are. Lots of delicious food for thought in this tasty song. Enjoy!

Sister Love

2011-04-06T16:35:00.003-04:00

"The loneliest woman in the world is a woman without a close woman friend." George Santayana

I am a real cheerleader for Girl Power. And while I am awed and grateful to those who are fighting the fight in Corporate America, politics, and other areas sporting the notorious glass ceilings--my advocacy efforts have been in the area of personal empowerment. I've made it my business to help women find their true and authentic selves, and live joyfully and sensually empowered by the knowledge that being themselves can never be wrong.

That said, while I've been on a short break between the last book and the next, I've been watching more television than usual, and based on the current television fare, ladies, we've taken a huge step backwards. According to the ratings, for far too many of us "must see TV" now revolves around bad behavior by and between women.

The teen set has Oxygen's Bad Girls, MTV's Teen Moms, and of course The Jersey Shore, where competition, mean spirited behavior, and blatant disrespect makes you rich and famous. We grown women have the Housewives from all over the country, in all of their bitchy, backstabbing, two-faced glory. The corporate set has Celebrity Apprentice, with Star Jones and her irritatingly nasty ways. And even the politicos have Sarah Palin, who is infecting our political discourse by pitting the Mama Grizzlies against the Intellectual Elites in all out class warfare.

These shows, and a host of others like them, have made it cool to be a judgmental, critical bitch, especially if your particular 'insights' and commentary are delivered with biting sarcasm and personal disdain.

The problem with our popular culture being polluted by the mean girls and their bad behavior, is that sadly we are actually bonding over, and worse, emulating this stuff. Petty gossip and harsh judgment has become a valid form of social interaction. And as Snooki and NeNe prove, at the very least, it gets you attention, and if you're really lucky, it can also bring you fame and fortune.

But it's also costing us our sisterhood. In the name of entertainment, we are losing our compassion for each other, which is a damn shame because as Mother Teresa said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." And as we all know, if you don't love, you don't really live.

I've said it so many times, "Men make you good at what you do. Women make you good at who you are." Being friends with women can really be a difficult task because we are taught early on that other women are our competition and too many of us look at each other with envious eyes, and try to build ourselves up by tearing other women down.

The truth be told: Hatin' only stunts your growth. Know that sister love is no different than partner love in that like energy attracts like energy. The quality of friendship in your life is directly related to the quality of girl friend you are.

So beware of the woman who doesn't like other women. We all know one or two, who says, "I don't know why women don't like me." Or "I just don't seem to get along with women." These women aren't going to help you thrive, but instead will vampire your positive energy and create more drama in your life. And if you find that you're the mean girl, start seeing yourself in other women. You'll find your own strengths in the women you admire (or envy), because they act as a mirror, reflecting back at you the same hidden assets that you possess but have yet to acknowledge and let surface.

What do you think?

Discover How Much Your Heart Can Hold

2011-03-31T11:50:00.006-04:00

So, I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been blogging much lately. Since last year, I have been writing nonstop trying to get The Power of WOW Guide (formerly known as the Stiletto U Guide) ready for publication in June. Couple that with coaching, doing workshops and well, unfortunately my blogging time has fallen to the way side. But soon, I promise, I'll be back full force.

So, while I haven't been blogging I have been eating chocolate. Lots of chocolate. For while I was stuck on those yummy Dove bites, the one's with the pearls of chocolate wisdom tucked inside the wrapper. I started collecting them and decided to use them as blog starters. Today, is the first in that series: Discover How Much Your Heart Can Hold.

When you think about it, this is a really difficult concept to wrap your arms around. Discovering how much your heart can holds mean leaving it wide open to experiencing the all that love has to offer, which always, without fail, will lead to some level of pain. After all, like sunshine and rain, pain is the price for loving. So that said, it is counter intuitive for us, we who live our lives fearful of loving to our full capacity because we're too afraid of getting hurt, to actually love freely enough to make this discovery.

Unfortunately, when you fear let fear hold you back, you keep yourself tethered to the post of unfulfilled potential, robbing yourself of a multitude of personal successes. I always find it interesting that most of us have no issue at all going for our professional dreams, gobbling up all of ambition and success we can until our egos are stuffed and bloated. We go for it, stumble and fall but pick ourselves back up and are off running again.

But not so much with our hearts. All our lives, we tend to treat our heart like a frail newborn, when in fact it the most resilient and giving of treasure of all. So, don't be afraid to discover how much your heart can hold because of what might come along and make it crack. Think of it this way, if it does get cracked, what will leak is love, so you already have the antidote for what ails you!

So start to discover your heart's capacity by giving yourself a strong dose of love everyday. Compliment yourself, treat yourself the way you want others treat you. Begin there, and once you are convinced that not only are you lovable but worthy as well, you'll find it less scary to spread a little love of your own, and yourself more open to accepting love from others.

Remember, the more you practice loving, the better you are at it. And the better quality of love you can give, the better quality of loving you will receive.

The Lady Knew How to Work the Power of WOW

2011-03-23T18:40:00.003-04:00

She lived, loved, and fought for causes on her own terms. Now that's sexy. Rest in peace, beautiful Elizabeth Taylor.

Can We Talk?

2011-03-23T17:48:00.002-04:00

Grab a glass of wine and join the Bag Ladies as we dish the dirt on love, relationships, and sex. 7:30 pm at bagladiesradio Call in and join the fun!

Love YOU

2011-02-14T17:20:00.005-05:00

Single or married, on this day remember, celebrating the lover in you is just as, if not more important than celebrating the lover next to you. Do you. Love you.

Have A Musical Valentine's Day

2011-02-07T20:44:00.003-05:00

This month is ripe for romantic entertaining, so my suggestion is to stop using music for simply background noise and instead, listening to music together a truly sensual experience. This Valentine's Day, consider having a listening party.

When selecting music for your evening, listen with your body, not simply your ears. Listen and learn where certain notes and instruments touch your body and create a musical chemistry within.

Include songs sung in another language. Let the vocal track become just another beautiful instrument for you to enjoy. This lets your brain relax and allows you full body listening pleasure.

Take time during the evening to lay back, snuggle up and really listen and enjoy the wonderful gift of music. Isolate each individual instrument. Revel in the notes and lyrics. Enjoy the way they caress and seduce your body.

You listen to a lot of music. How much of it do you really hear?

Here are some off the beaten path musical suggestions to add to your iPod:

Music from a Farther Room-Lucia Micarelli

Five-B-Tribe

A Gift of Love II Oceans of Ecstacy-Deepak Chopra and Friends

Amore-Andre Bocelli

Principals of Lust--Enigma

P.S. If you're in the Washington, D.C. area, join me at Secret Pleasures on Thursday, February 10th for a workshop on how to plan a Red Hot Night!

Gong Hey Fat Choy

2011-02-03T09:29:00.004-05:00

Happy Chinese New Year! It's the year of The Golden Rabbit, a very lucky sign in the Chinese Zodiac. According to Chinese tradition, the year of The Rabbit is a time to calm down and catch your breath and to create a safe and peaceful lifestyle, which sounds like a good plan for all of us.

There are times when we ask the questions, and times when we get and act on the answers. The year of the Rabbit seems a perfect time to work on bringing serenity into our lives so we can calmly reflect on our delights and doubts. This way we are able to act with a directness that achieves positive results rather than simply spin our wheels.

So, whether you were born under the sign of The Rabbit (1039, 1951,1063,1975, 1987,1999, 2011)or not, stop and smell the roses, and make a concerted effort to live sensuously and serenely in 2011 and beyond.

Gong Hey Fat Choy! Happy New Year. You are blessed...take the time to recognize!

Just In Time For Valentine's Day

2011-01-27T15:17:00.008-05:00

Please join me for a RED HOT NIGHT to learn the Art of Sensual Entertaining

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2011
7:00 PM-9:00 PM

SECRET PLEASURES BOUTIQUE
1510 U Street, NW Washington, D.C.

From a sexy invite to decadent menu suggestions to five red hot rules guarantying success, this 'workshop in a party' includes detailed instructions on how to execute an unforgettable Red Hot Night for Valentine's Day or any occasion. You'll learn everything you need to create a sexy evening designed to excite and thrill your senses and inject a little romance into your life. Treat your lover, and yourself, to a passionate evening of toe-curling sensuality.

$20 prepaid $25 at the door
RSVP at Secret Pleasures

Snowflakes...The Science of Sexy

2011-01-17T10:45:00.007-05:00

First, I should say Happy New Year!

I apologize for not blogging more, but I've been trapped first under a blizzard of work, and more recently, under a blizzard of snow. And the snow got me to thinking and wanting to remind you that Mother Nature is such a sexy mama!

If you follow this blog or have come to any of my workshops, you know that I truly believe that if you really want to emulate another woman, look to Mother Nature. She is the one babe I know who always has her priorities so straight. Her spectacular winter look is just one gleaming example of how good she really is.

For me, snow, and snowflakes in particular, exemplify the science of sexy. There’s so much physics behind the microscopic lattice of H2O molecules underlying such a lovely shape, with the pleasant C6 symmetry of the macroscopic result - the snowflake (yeah, I didn't understand that either. I so copied that straight from the website!). In other words, scientifically speaking, all of the lovely sorts of shapes you get depend upon temperature and supersaturation of the water vapour that condenses to form the snowflake. (Check out the lab website of Kenneth G. Libbrecht, of Caltech. for much more information.)

Another way to look at it--Snowflakes are one of Mother Nature's amazing feats of pure magic. Out of the billions of snowflakes that fall each season, no two are alike. They don't fall to earth in a clump, but one-by-one showcasing their fantastic selves. And though once they land it's hard to point out their differences in a crowded drift, they all stand together to create the amazing snowscapes of winter. And if you take the time to look close enough (okay with the help of a microscope)you'll bear witness to their unique beauty. Once again proving, that it's only through the marked beauty of the individual that the whole can shine.

So, while you have all of this snowy inspiration around you, take the time this winter not to simply hibernate, but to locate, unearth and then revel in your uniqueness. Separate yourself from the drift--through your look, words and deeds--and allow the world to see what an amazing impact you make in your little corner of the world.

FYI, the snowflakes I've included in this entry are REAL. To see more, click the link on the title. Unique and absolutely fabulous--just like you!

Dear Santa, All I Want For Christmas...

2010-12-07T08:48:00.007-05:00

Tis the season...I begin this post the same way I began the last for women who are shopping for their men during this holiday time. But I want to speak to you single lovelies who have the word "man" somewhere at or near the top of your Santa list.

This can be a tough season for singles because it's one of those times during the year (like New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day) when being alone can feel particularly lonely. But this is also the season for putting your wants and wishes into the air. I know that many of you, whether you've said it out loud or whispered it in your hearts, have added a man to your Santa wish list. But as I have found with my chosen weight loss program these past few years, wishing doesn't make it so.

If you are in the market to add a partner to your life, it’s also important to be concerned first and foremost about what YOU want in a man. We spend so much of our time worrying about being worthy and wondering why nobody seems to want us, that we have no idea what is really important to us when it comes down to the nitty gritty of love. We scour magazines and the Internet looking for clues to what men want and how we can become that girl so they will pick us. In our desire to “be what he wants,” most of us are willing to change ourselves and deny our own needs for the sake of having someone who we call 'special' in our lives. When we do this, we forget two important facts: 1) You ARE something special, damn it! And 2) Happiness is truly fleeting if you deny yourself and your truth. Because really, no man, no matter his looks, personality, or wealth will make you happy if he is ultimately not what YOU want.

So, get out your stationary and make your list. When you have the time, sit quietly and think about what you want in your mate. Don’t get caught up in the superficial—what he looks like, how much money he makes, how he dresses, where he was educated, what part of town he lives in, what kind of car he drives, etc. None of those things count in the long run. Concentrate on the personality qualities, morals and values that are deal breakers for you.

Take a look at your list of gentle demands. Is it reasonable? Would you be capable of meeting your own needs? Does it demand more of a mate than it does of yourself?

Tis the magical season of believing and receiving. So take a moment to focus on what you truly want. Once you’ve done that, you’ve taken the first step in creating it. Know what you want and ask for it. Then start doing the work to assure that you are a partner who is worthy and equal to one you are asking for.

Happy Holidays!

Go Beyond Mall Store Gift Giving

2010-12-06T14:01:00.002-05:00

I decided to post my December Flirt Tip this month...

Tis the season for giving gifts and this year, let your lover find something a little different under the tree. In addition to that new gadget he's been hinting about, give him a taste of the holiday season that will keep on giving way after the Christmas tree comes down. Make your own gift certificates promising something uniquely personal and much more intimate than an iPad. Here are few ideas to get you going.

Gift him with an evening of sensual delight. Pick a date to make sex an event for the two of you. Remember when you were single and out to impress him and make him yours? Remember how interesting and exciting you made sex. Single sex tends to be more spontaneous, energetic and adventurous. When your man thinks about single sex, this is the mood he's missing and craving. He may love having married sex, which over the years becomes more about comfort than passion. So use the holidays to shake your married sex life up a bit. Give him a few nights of celebratory sex sprinkled throughout the year and make yourself Santa's favorite little elf.

Give him the gift of trust by presenting him with a boys night out without any drama or expectations. He loves you, but sometimes he needs a night out with his friends, just like you need that girlfriend getaway every now and again. Tuck a gift card under the tree with two tickets for him and his boy to a favorite sports event. Or plan and prepare a boys night in to watch a big game, with all of his favorite food and friends and then disappear and let them get their man on. Showing you trust him and letting him know you want him to be happy is truly a must have gift for the season.

If your household is anything like mine, your man is going to love this. Give him a six month free pass to make entertainment choices for the two of you. For half the year, let him pick the movies, the restaurants, the take out. Put your preferences on the back burner for just awhile and let him be the 'decider'. You'll be surprised that if you not only present this as a romantic gesture, and as you taking the opportunity to learn and enjoy life through his eyes, you'll score big brownie points and find yourself with a more cooperative mate the rest of the year!

The best gift of all is love. Extend the heartfelt romantic gesture of writing and gift wrapping a beautiful love letter expressing your feelings. Let him know he's more than your man, that he's your hero. Seal with a sexy, hot kiss and you'll be unwrapping the rest of your gifts December 26 as Christmas day will have become a lovers' holiday.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Happiness is a Freshpair!

2010-11-30T20:09:00.005-05:00

It's been one of those weeks(and it's only Tuesday!) I'm behind on a couple of deadlines, fighting off a cold and to top it off, the weather sucks! It's cold and rainy and instead of making me feel relaxed and cozy, I'm feeling everything BUT. In fact, by three o'clock this afternoon I was feeling down right bitchy.

And then the mail arrived. I opened the front door and there on my porch was a package with my name on it. I picked it up,turned it over and there it was--the Freshpair logo! A flash of white broke out across my face. My new undies (have a peek) had arrived, delivered right to my door, just in time to ward off my "whoa is me" temper tantrum.

For me, lingerie is right up there with jewelry and shoes when it comes to retail therapy purchases. A new bra and pantie set is an instant pick me up when I'm feeling down and dowdy.

On occasion women debate me on the necessity of wearing fancy pants. So before some of you get your knickers in a twist, understand that your wardrobe down under should be comfortable in mind and body and should speak to your personal style sensibilities. So maybe you’re a LaPerla girl or maybe Hanes for Her are more for you. Perhaps you connect to the look and feel of cotton or maybe satin and lace are what get your eyes twinkling. Boy shorts or thongs, bikini or briefs, demi cup or sports bra—whatever your preference, just make sure your signature sexies are your brand of hot.

So often your outer wardrobe is dictated by the rules of our professional environment, but what you wear under your clothes speak volumes about how YOU see yourself as a sexual woman. The conversation going on between your feminine psyche and your drawers can be broken down into two main topics: 1) That you identify and care about yourself as a woman, and that sexy is who you are 24/7, not just when you’re putting it into action; or 2) Well, let’s just say it’s the direct opposite of number one.

So, what is your underwear saying about you?

A word to the wise: If you're ready to start a new conversation, check out online lingerie sites (if you know your correct size)like Freshpair.com for the brand and styles that make you feel lovely about being you!

Three Things Every Woman Needs to be Happy

2010-11-22T21:44:00.004-05:00

I've been on a happiness kick as of late, reminding folks that being happy is truly a magnet that draws to you all of the wonderful things you crave in life--friends, love, opportunities to grow and thrive.
Here's an brief article I found on line that speaks to the subject. Read. Think. Put yourself in the position to be happy.

By Sarah Jio, Glamour magazine

These days, happiness is a big business--authors sell books on the topic, marketers try to get you to buy their products in the name of improved happiness, etc. But when it boils down to it, experts say that for almost every one of us, happiness boils down to three simple things--do you have them in your life?

The happiness trio? Huffington Post blogger Joe Robinson recently wrote about three core psychological needs that stem from past research from scientists at The University of Rochester:

Autonomy: Having independence, control over your home or work environment--the feeling that you are freely choosing things in your life and not being controlled by anyone or anything.

Competence: Feeling as though you are empowered and capable to do the work in your life and initiate things.

Relatedness: Social connection and intimacy with others.

Of course, the happiness equation consists of many different things for many different people, and yet I can tell you that in my life, if any one of these things is missing or off balance I feel anxious and out of whack.

Do you have all three of these elements in your life?

Butterflies, Lotus Blossoms and Other Signature Symbols

2010-11-07T08:33:00.003-05:00

One of the five sensual signatures I advocate adopting is a personal symbol or icon. Companies brand their images with logos so consumers can pick them out in a crowd, so why shouldn't you?

What exactly is a signature symbol? It is something that you can see and touch that connects you with your true sensual self, reminds you of the woman you are striving to be and gives the rest of the world a hint of who you are (think Mariah Carey's butterfly). Lots of power packed into such a little thing.

I get lots of questions about what to choose and as always, I say try to identify a particular shape, color, animal, flower or thing that you've always been attracted to and give it your own definition of what it represents about you. Here are a few of the icons past Stiletto U students have chosen to define themselves.

Butterfly: Very popular icon. Represents transformation and metamorphosis--the ability to change and transform one's attitudes and ideas. Can represent beauty, freedom and joy.

Dragonfly: Can represent illusion and the idea that not all we see or think we know is exactly as it is. It reminds us that magic does still exist in the world if we simply open our eyes and look for it.

Hummingbird: Native Americans associate the hummingbird with timeless joy and the sweet nectar of life. It symbolizes accomplishing what seems impossible and living a joyful life in the circumstances you find yourself.

Lotus flower: It is said that Buddah rose from the center of the lotus flower. That said, the lotus flower is a symbol for rebirth. It also represents peace and enlightenment and is a symbol for all that is true and good and beautiful.

Bamboo: Can represent delicate beauty combined with strength and endurance. Bamboo bends but does not break.

Fleur de lis: Can symbolize excellence, light and illumination, purity, courage and faith.

Color Green: The fresh start of spring brings waves of Green and with it comes attributes of youth, sentimentality, nature, adventure, growth and health.

Star: Can represent high hopes and ideals, good luck, illumination, and a five pointed star can symbolize the five senses.

Apple: A symbol of ecstasy, fertility and abundance as well as love. Split apart, the Apple conjures an image of vulva, signifying feminine love and beauty.

Heart: Likely the most common symbol for love and has long been recognized across cultures as being a symbol for charity, joy and compassion.

So these are just a few of the endless number of icons you can choose that represent you. As always the key is to choose one and personalize its meaning to fit your truth and individual quest.

Spend Some Alone Time Behind the Curtain

2010-10-27T14:32:00.001-04:00

When You Can't Help The Way That You Feel

2010-10-20T22:33:00.002-04:00

Here's my latest interview. I just love when the interviewer is inquisitive, smart and fair!

Joan Collins Has A Point

2010-10-19T16:29:00.003-04:00

Eighties diva, Joan Collins, caused quite a stir recently when she announced that while Angelina Jolie was "gorgeous" her tabloid nemesis, Jennifer Aniston was "cute, but I wouldn't call her beautiful."

You know, I have to agree with her, and frankly, while everyone else seemed to turn Joan's comments into one great big diss, I don't see it that way. I think her comparison was exactly right.

Everything about Jennifer Aniston screams cute. Her look is safe, approachable and right from the good girl next door style rack. Her personality and personal charisma, or at least that which is revealed to the public, is sweet, endearing, and slightly guarded. Jen's brand of sexy is natural and cute, and the combination makes the men in her life want to take care of her, even though it's obvious since her split from Mr. Pitt that she's quite capable of looking after herself.

Angelina, on the other hand, has a personal style and charisma that is bigger,riskier and much more outwardly sultry and sexy than Jen's. Her life and lifestyle do appear to be more fully expressed and glamorous. Her look is hot and, well, gorgeous. Angie's brand of sexy is smoking hot, which can be as exciting as it can be intimidating to the shy guy.

Where I think Joan Collins went wrong, was in comparing the two women and making comments that made it sound like one look was better than the other. What Joan failed to realize is that each woman is working her natural strengths, owning her look and true charisma and living her life.

Follow the example of both of these lovely ladies. Own your unique brand of secy and do you.

Five Tips for Great Sex

2010-09-28T17:14:00.006-04:00

Check out my interview on lovingyou.com You'll find my five sensual, sensible, doable, and oh so enjoyable tips on on how add a little umph! to your love life. Let me know what you think! Happy loving!!

How to Create A Sexy Bedroom

2010-09-22T16:48:00.001-04:00

I saw this video on AOL and thought you might be interested. The importance of creating a sensual haven for you and yours to escape, dream, recharge and reconnect, can't be overstated. Enjoy!

What's Your Exit Line?

2010-09-15T09:00:00.004-04:00

Take note, Washington, D.C., we unleashed a beautiful bevy of friendly flirts this past weekend! Thank you Secret Pleasures!

One of the comments that came up during the workshop was from a lovely single mother who said she didn't like to flirt because she didn't know how to turn off the attention from men she was not interested in. As a result, she'd shut down her charm offense totally, but admitted to missing her flirty side.

I constantly stress to my Stiletto University students is that "You can't be that woman if you can't handle that woman." When you unearth and share with the world your unique personality, energy and style, you can't help but attract attention. Some from admirers you will covet, and some attention from those you don't.

Attracting attention, good or bad, is the nature of the charming beast. IMHO, putting a cap on your feminine fizz is not an option, so learning how to deal with the overflow is important. The first thing to remember is that the majority of admirers are simply gifting you with their positive attention,so even though you may not be interested, they still deserve your courtesy and appreciation for doing what you want the world to do anyway--notice you. You need to send them on their way as pleasantly as possible (don't forget that someone else might be watching). So perfect an exit line that saves their ego and applauds their good taste.

My go-to, (and most effective) exit line is: "Thank you so much, you have made my night, but my husband really gets upset when I date." I deliver it with a killer smile and make my exit.

For the totally obnoxious who simply won't take a hint, I simply excuse myself, saying "I have to call home," walk away and exit to the ladies room or join a group conversation where he will be reluctant to follow.

Be friendly, be firm and continue being flirty. Si find your exit line and get out there and handle your business!

Join Me at These D.C. Events

2010-08-22T13:04:00.004-04:00

If you're in the D.C. area, please join me for these following events. Invite a friend and come get your sexy on!

Sept. 9- 7:00 PM Secret Pleasures Presents A Weapons of Mass Seduction Workshop
JoJo Restaurant and Bar, 1518 U Street, NW (at N 15th Street), Washington, DC

The ability to charm and disarm will take you far in life. Learn the no-fail basics of how to S.E.L.L. yourself in whether in a room full of strangers or just you and you significant other in the comfort of your own home.

Sept. 11- 4:00 pm Secret Pleasures Hosts An Erotic Reading and Discussion
Secret Pleasures, 1510 U Street, NW, Washington, DC

Unleash the your inner erotic diva at this sexy but always tasteful reading and discussion of Can't Help The Way That I Feel.

Check Out My Interview on Eden Fantasys

2010-08-18T16:29:00.004-04:00

I want to share this interview with you because it was one of my favorites, mainly because all of the questions came from real people and not reporters. I loved the range of questions asked--everything from sex and religion to growing up multicultural to my writing muses, and thought they were amazingly intelligent and thought provoking. Enjoy!

Join the Conversation

2010-07-15T08:59:00.001-04:00

Eden Fantasys is a great site for toys and information about all things sexual. This month I am featured in their community interview and am taking questions about any and everything ranging from sensuality, sexuality, race and writing. Please click on the link above, scroll down to Sex Community Update and ask your question and if it's one of the three favorites, you will win a copy of Can't Help the Way That I Feel and a gift certificate to use on Eden Fantasys. You can ask your questions until July 20th. Looking forward to hearing from you!

Friends You Should Have - AOL Health

2010-06-30T12:31:00.000-04:00

I've always said that women make us good at who we are. I hope you find this article helpful in cleaning out relationship closet, which by the way, we all need to do every now and again.

Friends You Should Have - AOL Health

Essence.com Adds Can't Help to their Sizzling Summer Reading List

2010-06-22T17:06:00.000-04:00

Ladies, even Essence Magazine recognizes a good dare, when it reads it! Essence.com has chosen my new anthology Can't Help The Way That I Feel, as one of their hot reads for the summer. So before you head off on your vacation, make sure you give into temptation and get your copy to bring along. I guarantee it will make your summer sizzle!

Frisky Friday: Sexy Summer Reading

Why Women Are Actually Thinner Than They Think

2010-06-21T08:36:00.001-04:00

WHEW!! What a great bit of much needed news! Click on the link below and find out woman in the mirror is much hotter than you think!!

Why Women Are Actually Thinner Than They Think

Sex and the City 2--A WMS Don't

2010-06-05T07:26:00.004-04:00

I loved the Sex and the City television series on HBO. It featured smart, sexy, flawed individuals who truly understood the importance friendship between females. There is nothing more important to the development of true feminine confidence than a nonjudgmental friend who not only allows you but encourages you to be you with all of your glorious flaws and imperfections. A woman who doesn't compete with you but rather compliments your version of sexy and smart. I've said it before, women make other women good at who they are.

Sex in the City was a cheerleader for female empowerment--women taking charge of their sex and love lives and living them both with the scandal that can come with living one's own truth. I found them to be fabulous--not because of their fashion or fame or fortunes, but because of the way they walked through life (in stilettos of course!) on their own terms. But in SATC2 these women have fallen off their fierce girls pedestal and are floundering. They have forgotten all of the lessons they spent years teaching us and are looking more and more like aging women desperately clinging to their youth.

I wanted to love this movie but spent most of the two hours plus feeling annoyed and offended. It started out well but then went steadily downhill. No real story, weak dialogue (Carrie's puns were so lame it was embarrassing) a lot of stupid whining (between crying baby Rose and baby Charlotte, I was ready to walk), and ridiculous, out of place fashion choices (seriously, who walks sand dunes and rides camels in stiletto heels? And who bares their porcelain white chest and shoulders or covers them in huge, metal bibs in blazing desert heat?).

But what really irritated me most was the incredibly stupid, disrespectful and obnoxious way these intelligent, worldly women behaved while in Abu Dhbai. All were annoying in some form, but Samantha's behavior is totally outrageous, and not in a good way. She, a public relations expert, no less, is completely disrespectful to the culture, laws, and religious sensibilities of the country she is visiting and hopefully will be representing. She dresses and acts inappropriately (grabbing a man's penis in full view of other guests, holding up a gross of condoms in the souk and screaming "Yes, I love sex," to a throng of conservative, Muslim men), and portrays the ugly American to perfection.

This movie is not WMS friendly because truly confident, sexy women understand that respect for other people and their beliefs is hot, while ignoring them in pursuit of your own selfish pleasure is not. Additionally, Samantha, with her 40 plus pills a day to trick her body into being young, has become a desperate parody of her former self. A seasoned woman is sexy because she is confident enough to quietly go after what she wants with style and elegance. She doesn't need to compete with younger women by wearing the same clothes, just because they fit, because ultimately she ends up looking older and more insecure than they do. What Samantha doesn't seem to understand is that yes, her insistence on letting everyone know within earshot that she's game for a fuck, does make her appear younger, but in all the wrong ways. Instead of looking worldly and self assured, she looks like every other young girl who thinks that a reputation for putting out is what makes her sexy and popular with the boys. It's a troubling perspective at any age, but Samantha just looks old and desperate because at 52, she should know better.

One of the delightful new flirt tools that comes with age is mystery. Samantha needs to put that in her trick bag and learn to work it to maximum effect.

P.S. Search on this website, Ciao Bella and get more tips on how to be a Weapon of Mass Seduction while traveling abroad.

Unleash the Sensual You Workshop in CA

2010-05-29T13:15:00.006-04:00

If you live in the Bay Area, I'd like to invite you to join me for an Unleash the Sensual You Workshop. This is your chance to discover ways to become the confident, sexy woman you were meant to be as I share with you ideas and techniques to embrace and enhance the woman you already are but just aren't sharing with the world. We'll talk about how to unearth the confidence everyone says you need but you can't seem to locate; and how to use that confidence to charm and disarm and get what you want out of life, both in and out of the bedroom. Please grab a friend or two and join us. It's free and I promise you will leave feeling fabulous!

When: Thursday, June 10, 2010
Time: 6:30 PM
Where: Good Vibrations 2504 San Pablo Avenue, Berkeley, CA
Admission: FREE

Following the workshop there will be a booksigning for my new anthology, Can't Help The Way That I Feel.

I will also be doing Dare to Be Tempted readings and signing while I'm in the Bay Area at:

When: Thursday, June 10, 2010
Time: 12 Noon
Where: Marcus Books
1712 Fillmore Street
San Francisco, CA

When: Friday, June 11, 2010
Time: 6:30 PM
Where: Marcus Books
3900 Martin Luther King Jr. Way
Oakland, CA

If you're in the area, bring a friend or two and join us. Tempting you with their sensual thoughts and words will be contributing authors Toi James and Teddy Bell. Come. Let us lead you into temptation!!!

Please feel free to pass this information along to anyone you think might enjoy the event.

I'd Rather Sleep Than Have Sex With My Husband

2010-05-26T09:48:00.003-04:00

A depressing new study that depressingly found that 63 percent of married women would rather get extra sleep or catch up on their reading than have sex with their husbands may also have depressingly pinpointed why: Less than half of women surveyed say they married the best sex of their lives.

48 percent of married women say the guy they locked it down with isn't the guy who brought it the best in the sack. The data comes from a survey conducted for iVillage by Insight Express. Over 2,000 bored but satisfied women responded.

Maybe the old truism that the best sex is sex with somebody you love isn't true -- maybe the best sex is actually with that Venetian guy you met and had sex with on a roof garden while backpacking through Italy and never saw again.

More likely, it's because the majority (81 percent!!!) of women in the survey say their sex lives are predictable, based on location, position, time of day, duration, and foreplay ... Which is why it's not surprising that 62 percent of them said they fantasized about having sex with somebody else. Well, if somebody's going to be halfheartedly plugging away at you in the mish posish, it's no surprise when a young woman's fancy turns to thoughts of George Clooney.

Is this you?

Reprinted from AOL written by Emerald Catron

Why Do Men Like Breasts So Much?

2010-05-08T10:54:00.004-04:00

I was out last night and as it often does, the female conversation turned to bodies, or more specifically, what's wrong with them. The list was long and painfully typical--too small, too big, too saggy, too round, too long. After a couple of rounds of discussion, the question was asked: Why do men like breasts so much? The heads of those in the circle of conversation who knew me and what I do, turned expectantly in my direction.

So despite the fact that have made it clear that I am not a professional, but only a woman with a studied (read practical, lifelong observation)point of view, I gave them the answer that first popped into my head. I share it now with you for your consideration.

My theory is that men like breasts for two main reasons: First, because right or wrong, breasts have become the visual badge of a woman's sexuality. The bigger the boobs, supposedly the greater her sexual prowess. (Thanks Pamela Anderson. No surprise here that you got voted off of Dancing With the Stars) Now we enlightened women know that this is a crock of horse poop, but it is what it is, and trying to change a man's mind on this subject is wasted energy. We also know that while the majority of men will raise both hands when offered a serving of double D's, when talking about the woman they love, large breasts fall way down on the list of things they love (or miss) about her.

The second, and most important reason that I believe that men love breasts are because no matter what their size or shape,they are interactive. Breasts, particularly nipples, respond physically to arousal and desire. Men love the way breasts become engorged and how nipples swell and stiffen in their hands and mouths. This gives our visually oriented partners immediate feedback,ego gratification and the incentive to continue to please.

So again, ladies, stop worrying about what you don't have and start enjoying what you do. Embrace the health and sensitivity of your breasts and let the other things like their size and shape fall way down on your list of things you dislike about yourself. Wrap them up pretty like the gift they are and enjoy the sexual energy the produce.

Change your Sexitude. Change your life.

What do you think?

Outrageous!!

2010-05-01T11:58:00.005-04:00

You know, those who fancy themselves as the grand 'deciders' never cease to amaze me. Today, I'm talking about the brilliant cheese for brains executives at ABC and Fox. How they could ban the commercial above for being "inappropriate" "baring too much cleavage" and "salacious" is beyond me.

This is deemed inappropriate but they will air not only commercials but entire shows featuring the Sports Illustrated models and Victoria Secret Angels. They showcase these women who are in a weight and figure class all of their own, hammering in the misconceived and untrue notion that these size 0 mannequins flitting around in lingerie designed to GIVE THEM MORE CURVES and spray tanned skin and bones are the poster children of sexy.

Obviously they don't realize that the luscious, curvy woman in this Lane Bryant commercial is more representative of average women. They also don't realize that it's not either body type that makes these women sexy...it's their attitudes. Lane Bryant Lovely or Victoria Secret Angel, it's how they strut the stuff they've got--size 0 or size 16--that set them apart from the also rans.

Unfortunately it's the idiot gatekeepers like them that keep folks like me busy reminding women that sexy is not a weight class or a bra size. Sexy is as sexy does and the woman featured in this very sensuous commercial is holding up the truth that sexy comes in every size and it's the enormity of your confidence, not your breasts that makes you a contender. Ladies, don't buy into the bullsh*t. Being yourself can never be wrong. Remember: Confidence is Mother Nature's push-up bra!
>

Sex Information for Teens and Young Adults

2010-04-24T09:10:00.002-04:00

I ran across this website, Scarleteen.com that after perusing for a while, looks like a great resource for parents and teens alike when it comes to educating yourselves on teen sexuality. Remember, knowledge and open communication is key to helping your kids navigate this very delicate and often confusing time in their lives.

Can't Help The Way That I Feel Book Trailer

2010-04-21T18:16:00.002-04:00

Giving Into Temptation

2010-04-21T17:57:00.004-04:00

Ever since Eve seduced Adam into biting that apple, avoiding temptation has been drilled into our heads as the proper thing to do. But I ask you, can’t giving into temptation be a good thing sometimes (chocolate, jewelry and Idris Elba and George Clooney immediately come to mind)? Must we always avoid enticement? If so, why?

Consider this: A little temptation can be a very good thing because sometimes it acts as a catalyst for our personal growth. Sometimes in an impulsive moment, we find ourselves growing into the next version of ourselves—our more open, spontaneous, courageous, adventurous, curious, fabulous selves.

I've come to believe that many temptations we encounter are actually whispers of restless discontent attempting to lure us into questioning the status qua areas of our lives. Quite often one such area is sex. Sex is the one thing that we are the most curious and yet the least confident about. When it comes to sex our will to be good--to avoid temptation--often stands firmly in the way of our true needs and desires, without us ever really questioning why denial is the right and righteous thing to do.

Last year I was approached to edit an anthology of erotic stories. I agreed because I wanted to put my imprint on this huge genre and use erotica to help women really understand themselves through the sex they read in romance novels and anthologies, see in the movies and on television, and fantasize about through the lyrics of song.

In the stories included in Can't Help The Way That I Feel, you will meet several compelling characters who share some of your same feelings about their love and sex lives—boredom, confusion, dissatisfaction, prudence. And like yours, each of their journeys is different. But unlike most of us, they decide to take control of their hot sexy selves. Each woman finds herself giving into temptation, and in its aftermath, learning something about herself, and growing into the woman she wants to be. The writing, just like you, is elegant, sophisticated, sexy and hot but not raunchy!

These characters will tickle your fancy and ignite your lust as you live vicariously through their enticing sexcapades. And after they have you and your imagination revved up and ready to purr, let us tempt with three tasty, to-be-continued, story starters designed to get your creative (and other) juices flowing and help you make this anthology uniquely personal by finishing your own sexy tale on the blank pages provided. Delve in by yourself or grab the one you're with, and spend the night researching and then writing your personal erotic tale together.

Can't Help The Way That I Feel is in bookstores now, and you can also order your copy now from Amazon.com. You an also go to canthelpthewaythatifeel.blogspot.com and read about the authors and excerpts from their stories.

Please spread the word and let me know what you think of the collection.

What's Doing?

2010-04-10T13:04:00.002-04:00

Many of you have asked just what's going and I thank you for your interest. Mainly I've been in the cave writing up a storm. I'm so very pleased with the new projects that will be popping up on bookshelves in the next couple of years. I think you will be too.

This week, my first editorial project hits the stores. It is an erotic anthology, entitled Can't Help The Way That I Feel and is full of great, well written stories that are short on rauchiness and long on sexy, erotic storytelling. What I really love is that while written to be enjoyed by all ages, the stories feature women of a certain age doing their thing and doing it well!! In the next post, I will tell you all about it but you can head over to the blog and check out the authors and read short excerpts from their stories.

I'm also finishing up a new novel that will be published next year by Strebor Books, an imprint of Simon and Schuester. More on that later.

Lastly, I am thrilled to tell you that it looks very much like Stiletto U: Lessons to Unleash the Sexy, Confident You will published soon. We are in negotiations to bring my nine week program to bookstores in 2011. I am so, so, so excited about this. The book is based the program I developed for my individual coaching and I'm just thrilled that it will be available to the masses. To go along with this, I'm working on a new Stiletto U website, which will probably at some point replace WMS, but that's to come a bit down the road.

So spring has sprung and I too have sprung into a new and exciting phase of my career. Now, as you take time to smell the roses this season, take time to imagine what exciting new phase of your life awaits you!

Spring 2010 has Sprung!

2010-04-10T11:45:00.005-04:00

My all time favorite spring sighting is the first cherry blossom. I adore these gorgeous trees and with their return I know the seasonal rebirth has begun. Their return each year makes me happy.

As does my return to this blog. I have been so busy working hard on new projects that I couldn't seem to get around to blogging, even though in my heart I missed it. I'm going to try harder to keep in touch more consistently.

So to celebrate spring, I give you these thoughts by Helen Keller. Remarkable insight, considering the woman could not see or hear.

"Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would go blind. Do the same with all of your senses. Hear the song of a bird as if tomorrow you would go deaf. Touch everything as if tomorrow you would never be able to touch anything again. Smell the flowers, taste every bit of food as if tomorrow you will never to smell or taste again."

Live through your senses and bring joy to your day!

So Busy, Busy, Busy

2009-09-14T19:06:00.002-04:00

I'm so sorry I haven't blogged all month. I am CRAAAZY busy these days, teaching, editing a new anthology and conducting workshops. I'll be back on task later this week. Until then, take time to enjoy every sensual drop of summer 2009 that remains. Let every one of your senses experience summer's end and catch the sensory hints of an approaching fall. Live sensually and make your life come alive!

It's All About the Fit

2009-08-21T16:02:00.004-04:00

Lingerie, as delicate as it may sound to you, is really the workhorse of your wardrobe. A good bra will make your clothes fit better and make you look thinner in the process. Here are the steps to finding your correct size. Remember brands will differ in fit, so it's always best to go to a professional at least once a year to make sure you're still in your right size.

Step 1, Measure for Band Size:

Keeping the measuring tape parallel with the ground, measure around your bra directly under your bust after expelling all air from your lungs - you want this measurement to be as small as possible. Round all fractional measurements to the nearest whole number.

If the measurement is even, add 4"
if the measurement is odd, add 5"

Step 2, Measure for Cup Size:

Standing straight, with your arms at your side, measure at the fullest part of your bust (while wearing a non-padded bra) making sure the measuring tape is parallel with the ground and not binding.

Round all fractional measurements to the nearest whole number.

Step 3, Calculate Your Bra Size:

Subtract your band measurement (step 1) from your cup measurement (step 2). Generally, for each inch in difference, the cup goes up by one size. See the conversion chart here.

Example:
Step 1: 34" under measurement +4" = 38" band
Step 2: 40" over measurement
Step 3: 40" - 38" = 2" or Cup "B"
Your size would be 38B

Important Note: this measuring system tends to become less accurate as the cup sizes go above a D. Additionally, some manufacturers name larger cup sizes differently.

The Beauty of Online Bra Shopping

2009-08-21T15:45:00.005-04:00

I don’t know about you, but when it comes to the basics, if it’s a choice between ordering online or heading out to the stores, I’ll boot up my computer first every time.

After years of online shopping, I've discovered that doing a little pre-work can save you lots of time and shipping charges on the backside. Especially when you're looking for apparel.

Bras and panties are something I love shopping online for. I do this because I can shop whenever I want and more often than not, I find great deals on my favorites in other colors and/or styles that the department stores don't carry. But before I order anything, I go to a reputable store and get properly fitted and try on different brands. On those fit/try trips, I also try on the beautiful bras that I covet knowing full well that I won’t be buying them there. I try them on so I know how they fit, and then I begin the hunt online to find them and their matching panties at a bargain.

For example, ever since my fit/try to Nordstrom a few months ago (I usually do these trips twice a year) I’ve been stalking two lovely brassieres, the Dentelle by Elle MacPhearson Intimates and the Chantilly Demi bra by Chantelle. GORGEOUS! At Nordstrom, the Dentelle was $65 and the Chantilly a whopping $105! I found both at Freshpair.com in colors the department store didn’t offer and cheaper! The Elle MacPherson bra was $5 less, and the Chantelle, in red no less, was $78 down from $105, plus they offered free shipping on each U.S. order.

Unfortunately, the red bra was not in stock in my size but I just received the Dentelle and it is so gorgeous! I had got it in the French Nude (kind of a peach lace over black). Very ooh la la! Nordstrom only carried in white, by the way. Better yet, the construction is fabulous and offers me not only sex appeal but serious support, and these days I’m all about sexy and supportive! I love the way it showcases the girls, but more than anything I love the way I feel in it.

I’m telling you ladies, wearing great lingerie is like walking around with a delicious secret—a secret you can choose to share—or not. It’s also another way to add a little yummy scandal to your life and nobody has to know! And when you don’t even have to leave the house to indulge yourself, how can you not change your draws on the regular!

So mix a martini, grab your computer and do a shopping for some little sweet nothings. You can check out great lingerie sites as well as some of my other favorite links for places to help unleash the sensual you!

Lingerie To Bring Sexy Back

2009-08-17T21:16:00.010-04:00

Bringing Sexy Back: Lingerie that's Sure to Create Some Sparks by Freshpair.com

Too often we find the sparks of a romance burn down to embers as the weeks, months, and years go by. It’s no surprise when at the beginning we take so much time to groom our appearance to tantalize and entice, but as time goes on the effort put in equals the tension that is created…and that tension fades. But throw some of these hot numbers in the mix and you’ll be sure to rekindle your romantic and sensual spirit in no time. It’s all about adding that spark that lights the flame of passion again!

For the bustier girl, what better to put the RRRrrr back in Romance than a sexy and sultry leopard number with the superior fit and technology of Wacoal.

Don’t worry I’m not forgetting those with smaller packages, for the petite girl it’s all about presentation, and proper wrapping I’ve always found impresses, and with removable cookies you could always add in a little extra push to get his attention, try these inserts which can bump you up to a fuller cleavage!

Set it up right, with matching bra and panties you make the full impression. It’s like I mentioned before about packages looking better wrapped, so of course if you leave a corner open you let the mood slip right out! Don’t worry we have some sexy sets that I’m sure will set both of you in the mood for love, lust, and more.

This set from Wacoal Luxe is steaming hot! The double straps and the little peek-a-boo slits on the boyshort will make him think of Jane of the Jungle or some Amazonian goddess with her lingerie barely clinging to her… and he’ll be sure to cling tightly to you!

Chantelle bras fit a real woman, and there is something super sexy about a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and with her feminine curves. This sexy set will honor those curves and make him honor you, as long as you like.

Some pieces just make you stop and stare, and if you pair this with some red lipstick, this gunmetal grey number will stop him in his tracks. Nothing like an alluring set of lingerie to take a man hostage!

I think there is absolutely something to be said for the more subtly sweet of sets, like this pairing from Elle Macpherson. It makes me think Girl Next Door but all grown up. Like a fantasy come true for most guys, and really this set is easy to wear without it wearing you, with just the right amount of everything left to the imagination.

Another more subtle approach by Elle Macpherson, and this one has a lot of what we’ve been talking about, bows that catch the eye and a lovely contrast that draws the eye upward on the bra.

It frames your curves and silhouette in a subtle way reminding him of what a pleasure it is to admire you from afar, and that will make him want to admire you up close at the end of the day.

July Poll Results

2009-08-12T12:36:00.002-04:00

Here are your results for July's poll. In response to the query: If I could free my mind:

37% said you'd let your bad girl come out to play

9% said you'd summon the courage to leave your current relationship

20% said you'd leave your job and work your passion

32% said you'd stop worrying about changing yourself and let you be you.

Interesting that the majority of you, 69%, said that if you could free your mind of all of the rules, expectations, and opinions of others, you would basically live life by your own truth. Imagine if you had the strength to do that how much happier your life would be.

Mind over matter, people. Mind over matter. Or as the saying goes,
"If you don't mind, it shouldn't matter."

Take heed, summon your courage, and Do YOU!!

National Underwear Day 2009 at Freshpair.com

2009-08-03T17:19:00.002-04:00

National Underwear Day 2009 at Freshpair.com

Hey Ladies, I've decided to partner with Freshpair.com this month to celebrate the sensual deliciousness of wearing beautiful underthings. So all this month we'll be talking lingerie. To get you started, check out the link above for some amazing specials on some sweet nothings for both you and him.

Posted using ShareThis

June Poll Results

2009-07-20T12:57:00.006-04:00

Finally, here are the poll results for June.

We asked the question: When it comes to sex, which is more important? Here are your answers:

45% of you said Foreplay

0% of you said Afterplay

39% of you said Both

15% of you said What Happens in the Middle

All in all, not too bad. It's understandable that the majority of you polled stated that foreplay was more important to you. That makes total sense because prolonged foreplay allows both men and women to get physically ready for intercourse, particularly as we age. Psychologically speaking,foreplay builds intimacy and allows both partners to feel loved and cherished, and to enjoy intercourse even more. Bottomline: foreplay is about readying the mind and body for sex.

As important as foreplay is in getting us ready to have sex , afterplay is just as important in getting us ready for the next time. For most women, afterplay is the emotional closure that makes each sexual experience complete. It's the physical expression of intimacy and feelings of closeness that turns sex into lovemaking. Our need to cuddle and spoon, to caress and engage in sweet pillow talk sex is all about feeding our emotional connections with our lover. And it's that connection that makes us look forward to the next sexual experience. Afterplay is a vital part a loving sexual relationship. It should not be ignored.

So 39% percent of you have it right. Both foreplay and afterplay are what makes what happens in between feel so right and delicious, and loving.

Sunglasses

2009-07-15T21:17:00.003-04:00

This article is reprinted from Psychologies Magazine. Kind of gives you a whole new appreciation for sunglasses.

In mythology, eyes are the windows of the soul. So the decision to replace transparent windows with impenetrable dark glass - turning them into mirrors - is a psychologically interesting one. Windows answer questions, but mirrors ask them.

Wearing sunglasses often has little to do with protection from the sun's rays and everything to do with making a statement. This makes shades one of the most potent semantic tools in anyone's wardrobe. Nothing else transforms our mood and appearance so quickly and dramatically. Sunglasses offer us a sort of furtive escape from observation. We feel protected, more private. Yet at the same time we achieve greater stand-out.

Wearing sunglasses makes us both unsettling and sexier. Unsettling because our mood cannot be read. The eyes give away more secrets than the lips. Sexier because sunglasses say, 'look at me'. Factor in the variety of styles with meanings of their own - from chic Chanel to aviator-butch Randolph Engineering - and, in terms of meaning, sunglasses put every other accessory in the shade.

Sexitude is Now Closed

2009-07-13T14:37:00.003-04:00

Thank you to all of you who have asked about new Stiletto U workshop, Sexitude. Enrollment is now closed. The interest in this sensuality workshop has been phenomenal, in fact it has been so great that not only did we have to move to a larger studio, but how have a waiting list. So please join us in September for the next session. In the meantime, remember--change your sexitude, change your life!

Speaking of Sexitude...

2009-07-11T18:30:00.003-04:00

Sorry, I haven't blogged. I've been really busy with several upcoming projects--editing a new erotica anthology, entitled Can't Help the Way That I Feel, planning two private Stiletto U birthday parties this summer for private clients, and the upcoming Sexitude Workshop that begins this week.

So with all this going on, I'm trying to fit in a weekend at the beach with my Mothers Off Duty group. As much as I am looking forward to seeing my girls, going to the beach means wearing a bathing suit. Hmmm. I've been avoiding buying a new bathing suit for a few years now (some of you may recall the cherry red bikini story). So I went today to find a new suit. I swear trying on bathing suits is the most depressing thing, I don't care how great you feel about yourself. You know what I mean, so we we'll just agree that trying on bathing suits is that horrible recurring nightmare come true--you know, the one where you're running around naked in public, mortified and feeling totally vulnerable.

The problem is that when it comes to clothes, I've nearly mastered the art of camouflage. Folks think I'm taller, thinner, and toner than I really am--that's the miracle of knowing what styles flatter you, monotone dressing, and high heels. This allows me to dress age appropriate for let's say, a forty year-old. But a bathing suit? Well, there's just no place to hide. Fifty one is fifty one, in all it's gravity-depraved glory!

Any who, let me get to the point. I passed the string bikinis, maneuvered myself around the unstructured, peek-a-boo one pieces that might as well have been a been bikinis, and slid past the tankinis. I still don't understand those. The ones where the tops are fitted ride up just enough so your muffin top can enjoy the sun, and those that are fuller look like maternity bathing suits. Being 51 and looking preggers is not sexy. Hell, it's not even cute.

I continued my search for the hardware section of the swim shop. You know, where they store all the "look like you lost 10 pounds" and tummy control bathing suits. The ones that have pulley's at the shoulders to hoist up the girls and a steel mesh girdle to keep the baby weight you're trying to lose from your last pregnancy (so what if Eva is 16--you can't drop it overnight, you know!)from spilling out. Well, I checked out that rack and immediately got depressed. They looked like the suits my mom wears. She's 82. Enuf said.

So what rack do I find myself sifting through? THE FRICKIN' SWIM DRESSES!!! At first I am shocked into momentary paralysis. Am I really considering these? Is this what I'd been reduced to? A swim muumuu? But then I see a little Michael Kors number that is downright sexy. My mind is thinking, you look better in dresses than pants--and this is like a little miniskirt. Add a pair of cute little heels--scratch that--you're going to the beach--okay, add a pair of cute little flip flops and this might could work. Of course they don't have the little sexy number in my size, so, being a true believer in potential, I grab several and head to the dressing rooms.

The first two I tried on scared the hell out of me because when I looked in the mirror, that's right, I saw my mother. Trying not to get depress, I soldier on, eliminating the most matronly ones and holding on to the two "hey, this is kinda cute" suits. I alternated trying them on, not completely grossed out but not completely loving either one, and totally lamenting that the sexy little swim dress was not available (I swear if I see some size two chick in that suit next weekend...). But I also was feeling like if I could find the right one, I could own this look. This little swim dress idea had potential. Flirty, sexy, camouflaged potential!! Yeah baby!

So long story short. I did not buy a bathing suit today, but I am on the hunt. I did, however, purchase two adorable cover ups! Funny, how those always fit!

Happy Independence Day!

2009-07-04T11:09:00.004-04:00

We're all fighting to be independent, free-to-act-follow-my-own-truth women in at least one area of our lives. Well, in the wise words of '80's diva superstars, En Vogue, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow." Take a listen...and learn.

Happy Fourth of July. Declare your independence with a bang!

New Stiletto U Workshop--Sexitude!

2009-06-25T10:07:00.004-04:00

A Sensual Workout for Mind and Body

Sexy is as Sexy Does

What’s your Sexitude? In other words: How do you feel about your sexy self? Have you ever wished you were sexier? Felt more confident in your ability to attract and entice your lover? Wished that you had the courage to match your sensual thoughts with your sexual actions?

Welcome to Sexitude, a three-week, sensual workout designed to unleash the sensuous, sexy you. Whether single or married, young or seasoned, sexually active or celibate, Sexitude is for you. It’s a fun and tasteful combination of mind and movement with the ultimate goal of making you feel comfortable and sexy in your own skin.

Change Your Sexitude, Change Your Life

A confident woman is a sexy woman! During this workout we will talk about ways to bring out the incomparable woman hiding behind all those unrealistic expectations (yours and others), and then teach you how to move it, work it and own it! You’ll learn:

• Ways to bring your sexy back
• How to wake up your mind and body to amp up your love life
• How to move with sensual confidence
• Exercises to make you a stronger and more confident lover

Your Sexitude Instructors

Sexy Mind: Lori Bryant-Woolridge is a best-selling author, sensuality coach and founder of Stiletto U, a program advocating healthy, sensuous lifestyles. She has conducted sensuality classes and workshops around the country, and has been featured in local and national media, including: The Seattle Times, Detroit Free Press, Essence Magazine, Romantic Times, Working Mother Magazine, and Psychologies Magazine¸ and has appeared on numerous radio and television shows across the country.

Sexy Moves: Benita Perkins is a certified instructor and personal trainer. A former professional dancer with the Philadelphia Dance Company, she is the founder of Bennie Girl Health and Wellness Events, Inc., a production company focused on the fitness needs and healthy lifestyles of women. Benita has been hired by various companies and organizations to promote her healthy message, including: Pepsi, American Heart Association, American Diabetes Association, and the NAACP, and has been featured in several national publications including: Heart and Soul, Ebony and Essence Magazines. www.benniegirl.com

Grab a friend, join us and get your summer sizzle on!

Three Thursdays, July 16, 23, 30, 2009
7:30-9:30 pm

Sharon Miller Academy
14 South Park Street 2nd Floor
Montclair, NJ

Tuition: $49 for three sessions
Register NOW! Space is Limited.

For more information or to register email us at
stilettou@yahoo.com and put Sexitude as the subject.

Sexitude is a co-production of Stiletto U and Bennie Girl Health and Wellness

Celebrate your Senses Today

2009-06-24T11:20:00.005-04:00

June 24, 2009 has been declared "Celebration of the Senses" day. Okay, I'm not sure by whom, but it works for me, especially if it gives you an 'official' reason to make today a particularly sensuous experience.

Celebrate Your Senses day can be shared with the one you love or the one you're with, even if that 'one' is the one and only you. In a perfect world, you would celebrate it both ways, together and alone.

It doesn't have to be a big, fancy affair. Just so long as you treat yourself to a five sense stimulating experience. It could be as simple as enjoying an ice cream cone together, giving witness to the sweet, sugary smell, the creamy, delicious taste and smooth texture of the ice cream dissolving in your mouth, while enjoying the sights and sounds of the world going on around you. And sharing your ice cream adds an entirely different layer of sensuality to the experience!

You could prepare a meal that sensuous in nature from the menu right down to the table decor and wine selection. Mindful eating--taking the time to enjoy and experience each bite--makes the usual gulp and run pale in comparison. Or maybe you'd prefer a long, luxurious, candlelight soak in the tub followed by a sensual rubdown of your favorite oil or lotion.

It could be all day affair like a day at the beach where you can smell and taste the salt air, hear and see the crashing waves of the ocean, and feel the sand between your toes. Or sitting inside, listening to the rain fall, wrapped up in your silkiest jammies, while enjoying some decadently expensive chocolates, What a way to celebrate your senses!

The point is, it doesn't matter what you do as long as you you do it. It doesn't even matter if it doesn't happen tonight. The beauty of celebrating life through your senses is that it can happen anywhere at any time! And it should!

Zumba!!

2009-06-19T13:46:00.007-04:00

Still on my sensual movement soapbox. Last night I took my first Zumba class. It was taught by one of my best friends, Benita Perkins, who is a dancer and fitness trainer. It was FANTASTIC!! To everyone's surprise (I'm not a huge cardio exercise person...okay that's a big fat understatement)I was movin' and groovin' (how damn old am I??)and having a ball doing so. It's fun and I didn't feel like I was exercising at all even though I was exhausted and sweating up a storm. I enjoyed it so much, that not only am I going to continue to take the class but Benita and I are going to hook up to combine messages and do a whole new workshop that incorporates sensual movement. Stay tuned, but in the meantime, if you haven't been introduced to Zumba, check out this and video then check out a class near you.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

2009-06-14T22:13:00.003-04:00

Click on this quiz and find out what kind of shoe you are.

Sensual Movement

2009-06-08T20:10:00.007-04:00

One of the things occupying my time while I was away from my blog was the reality show, Dancing with the Stars. DWTS was definitely 'must see TV' for me this spring. I couldn't get enough of it. Sure, seeing the softer, feminine side of rapper Lil Kim was a draw, as was watching the sexy ass of Sex in the City's naked neighbor glide across the floor. Both had a lot to do with keeping me glued to my seat. But more than those two stars, I was mesmerized by the sheer sensuality and passionate nature of the movement.

In fact, going to Argentina and taking tango lessons is one of the items on my every growing 'bucket list.' Also on that list are belly dancing lessons. Both are, IMHO, two of the sexiest dances in the world. Because you see, there is dancing and then there is sensual dancing, and you know the difference the moment you see it. It really doesn't matter if it's choreographed ballroom dancing or just letting loose at club. Sensual movement radiates from within--it contains a fluidity and confidence that reveals the dancer's inner connection with her sensual self. It is the personification of one's sensuality and a outward show of a woman's feminine confidence. It's not vulgar or overtly sexual, but rather just a "damn that's sexy" way of moving.

I've stated a million times that sensuality is your enjoyment of the world and your own physicality as perceived by your senses. And when you live sensuously, it radiates, translating your sensory experiences into sensual expression and giving a sexy quality to the way you move--and dance--and telling the world that you are comfortable with your body and being you.

Sensuality is not a special talent or skill possessed by only some of us. We all have it, it's just a matter of rediscovering it, nurturing it, and applying it to every aspect of our lives, including the way we move about our world. So whether in the privacy of your own home or the gym or the club, become comfortable in expressing your sensuality and yourself through sensual movement.

Check out this list of sexy dances from around the world. Find classes in your area for those that speak to you. Please note that some of the information is outdated.

Sensual Sound Check

2009-06-03T19:10:00.002-04:00

I love music, especially when what my ears hear makes my body smile. Nobody accomplishes this more for me than Maxwell. His music sings to my soul. Check out his his new single, Pretty Wings. First listen as you watch the very simple, but highly sexy video. Then listen again, but this time close your eyes and be very aware of how and where these silky sounds affect you most. Enjoy!

It's Been A Long Time

2009-06-01T21:35:00.004-04:00

I know. I've been getting the same question for the past two months, "What happened to the blog? Where the hell have you been?" I am grateful for those of you who are following this blog and passing it along to your friends--please continue to do so--and I apologize for being M.I.A. since April. The past months have been tough for a variety of reasons from the death of my grandmother-in-law to the death of my computer to a writer's block that was unusual and unsettling. But I'm feeling better and in all honesty--one of the things that made this very hard time survivable was my sensuality and ability to lose myself and my troubles in the seasonal change. More on the healing power of sensual living to come...plus lots more on sensuality, sex and much more...soon, I promise!

Why Body Language Counts

2009-04-14T21:42:00.008-04:00

So, you spent some good money on an amazing outfit, your hair is done and your makeup flawless and still you find yourself the wallflower once again.

What is your body language revealing about you? Does the way you stand tell the world (and that man) that you are confident, friendly and approachable? Or does it say that you're insecure about your looks and feel out of your league? Or are you screaming to anyone who looks that you really don't feel like being bothered?

Posture and body language can say more about you than anything that comes out of your mouth. So be aware of not only how you look when you leave the house but how you look once you arrived. Stand tall, walk confidently and wear a smile, the best calling card you have at your disposal.

Check out the celebrities and see for yourself how poor posture can make even the most beautiful and expensively dressed starlet fade into the background, while a smile and a little confidence can make any star shine.

Technical Difficulties

2009-04-14T16:24:00.002-04:00

I apologize but because of the recent storms that have visited our area, my Internet service has been spotty at best. It is hopefully back for good, and I'll be catching up on my blogging in the next few days. Thanks for your patience. In the meantime, take part in this month's poll. I'm dying to know how many of you are going online to meet people. Back soon!

Friday's FYI: Sexplanations, the Science Behind Sex

2009-03-27T13:45:00.004-04:00

By Lindsey Palmer & Nicole Yorio

You know that sex makes you feel closer to your guy, that stilettos are totally hot, and that hitting the sheets together feels completely different from satisfying yourself solo — but have you ever wondered why?

Lucky for you, author Jena Pincott sifted through hundreds of scientific studies in order to explain what's behind these and other sexy truths in her new book, Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? Read on for the answers to three burning questions.

Why do I like and trust him more after sex? You can thank your hormones for this one. "When you cuddle, kiss, or have sex, your body's oxytocin production kicks in," says Pincott. "This so-called hug drug helps you feel closer and more connected by suppressing activity in the part of your brain that processes fear and dampening the production of stress hormones." Orgasm leads to a particularly strong surge of oxytocin. "And because estrogen enhances the effects of oxytocin and we women have much higher estrogen levels than men, we're more likely to experience this touching-leads-to-trusting phenomenon," says Pincott.

Why are high heels sexy? The stuff you strut is more sensual when you're up on your toes, says Pincott: "Heels force your pelvis to tilt so that both your rear end and chest stick out." One study showed that leg lengths 5 percent longer than average are the most attractive, so for most women, a 1.5- to 3-inch heel would create the ideal leg length. "This attraction might be evolutionary, because long legs are associated with better long-term health, which would appeal to a mate," says Pincott. "Plus, much like a peacock flaunts his feathers, which are really quite heavy and a nuisance, a woman teetering in heels can show off her fitness and coordination."

Why is intercourse more satisfying than masturbation?Good sex engages your body and senses (not to mention your emotions) more deeply than masturbation, so it stimulates the production of higher levels of dopamine, the horniness hormone. Now, stay with us here: After orgasm, dopamine levels plummet and another hormone, prolactin, skyrockets to take dopamine's place. "Prolactin is what gives you that feeling of satiety — and the more dopamine you had in your bloodstream during sex, the more prolactin rushes in to replace it afterward," says Pincott. "In fact, prolactin levels are a full 400 percent higher in people when they've just had sex than when they've masturbated." Another one of prolactin's effects you might have noticed: Post-coitus, it puts your partner right to sleep!

Appointments to Make and Keep

2009-03-18T13:30:00.002-04:00

As we adjust to the realities of our 'new normal' some of us are as busy as ever, while others are finding more time on their hands. As we strive to restructure our lives, I'd like to propose a list of must-keep appointments to make and keep.

1. Date night. If you're single, this applies to you too. Each week (or if that's not feasible, bi-monthly or even monthly), set aside time for you to romance yourself or your loved one. During these trying times, maintaining intimacy and treating yourself to special moments is paramount to keeping your spirits high.

2. Weekly check-in. Pencil in time each week for an 'I'm okay, you're okay" check-in with your family--be it spouse and kids, parents or siblings. Take the time to make sure you're up-to-speed on the happenings in the lives of the people you love.

3. A visit with Mother Nature. Now that spring is upon us, set aside time each day to commune with nature. Allowing some daily preoccupation with all you hear, see, taste, smell and touch is one way to stay in touch with gratitude and joy.

4. Girl Time. Factor in a little girl time at least once a month. As I have said so often, other women make us better at who we are, so block off a little time to get together with your best friend or friends to lend or receive a little love, laughter and support.

5. Doctor's Office. Good health is sexy. Schedule those appointments you've been putting off. Dental, GYN, annual physical, mammography. Ain't nothing hot about being broke down.

The lesson here? You really are in control of your time, so as the slogan of my mother's group, Mothers Off Duty, proclaims: "Put yourself on the list of people you take care of."

What do you think?

Pull on Your Big Girl Panties

2009-03-07T22:09:00.006-05:00

Last night I was celebrating a friend's birthday with a few of my girls. Can I tell you, instead of cocktails it should have been a whine and cheese party. Boy did our conversation cover the gamut. Between strawberry/watermelon martinis, we discussed the bad economy and its impact on everything from our livelihoods, our kid's educations, our relationships and most importantly our attitudes about the future.

You know, alcohol really can be a depressant and sometimes the whole misery loves company thing is way more destructive than productive. For more than an hour our celebration became a pity party and frankly it wasn't fun. The suggestion that we stopped talking about all the negativity and adopt a more positive attitude was shot own by someone who said she could no longer pretend to act positive when everything seemed to be going to hell in a hand basket and she felt anything but. Her argument was that feigning positivity and ignoring reality was just as destructive, if not more, as wallowing in self-pity.

She's right. There is a balance to be struck in order to find a middle ground that is realistically optimistic. And part of striking that balance is the realization that this is one of those times when we need to pull on our big girl panties and realistically deal with the hand we've been dealt while at the same time recognizing that this too shall pass and we will recover.

There is a Japanese proverb that says: Find opportunity in crisis. Maybe the key here is not to feign positivity but instead to find the real thing by embracing the idea that there are times in our lives when we have no other choice but to step back and reevaluate our situations and how we are living our lives. Yes, it's different and adjustment is necessary but there are positives coming out of the new reality. Most of us can no longer afford to buy our way into satisfaction and pleasure. Instead we are eating more dinners at home than out at fancy restaurants. Taking more staycations than vacations. Spending more nights on the couch than on the town. We are being forced to 'find joy where we stand' and more times than not we are standing at home with friends and family. Yes, our lives may indeed be changing but a new norm is presenting itself and it's not all bad. In fact, in many ways it's looking pretty damn good.

So ladies, this is one of those times when being a grown up sucks, but you'll get through this (and by the way, embracing your sensuality is one joyful way to do so...more on this later), and after some reconfiguring and rebuilding, you'll be back stronger and more fabulous than ever.

What do you think?

PS. Of course, even in these trying times your big girl panties should match your bra!

February Poll Results

2009-03-02T11:53:00.004-05:00

Here are the poll results for last month's question: Who is it easier to talk about sex with?

50% said their girlfriends

42% said their husbands or lover

7% said they don't talk about sex at all

0% said their children

Kudos to those of you who are owning your sexual selves and sharing with your partners your thoughts, fantasies, doubts and delights.

For those of you who can talk to your girls but not your man, I'd suggest to you that while it's helpful to have the support from sisterfriends, you'll never fully own your sexual selves and until you do, your desire will always remain unfulfilled.

And for those who find it difficult to speak with their children, remember that their sexual values, opinions and hang ups will be shaped by someone--friends, the media, future partners. Shouldn't you have a hand in the process?

Come on! Go talk about sex, baby!

Where Love Throbs

2009-02-23T17:41:00.005-05:00

I just finished a long discussion with a Stiletto U student of mine who's feeling in a bit of a quandary. She's been married for nearly five years and is extremely satisfied with her SEX life but is growing increasingly frustrated with her LOVE life. Without revealing any confidences, here's Jesse's (not her real name) issue in a nutshell.

She and her husband are very much in love and in sync in so many areas of their life together, particularly in the bedroom. Lucky girl, she proudly brags of a sex life that is off the chain. She and her man have great chemistry and a soulful connection that expresses itself through lots (and she stresses lots) of creative, loving, satisfying sex. From foreplay to sex play to cuddling together to bask in the after glow, their love is expressed through sex on the regular.

But apparently, that's where the loving gestures stops.

"I know he loves me. He is a good man and a good husband in every way," Jesse expressed, "but where's the romance? It's like the sex is so good that in his mind, it's enough. I hate to complain but I need more."

By more, Jesse means that she still feels the need for romantic expressions outside the bedroom. But emotionally, her husband does little to make her feel appreciated or thought about or admired and valued beyond sex. Cards, gifts, etc. are only part of a scheduled celebration--her birthday, Valentine's Day or their anniversary--and even though she's grateful, they feel kind of trite and predictable.

"I want him to flirt with me other than times he wants to have sex. Everything he says or does that's sweet or complimentary is a prelude to sex."

Jesse confided in me because she doesn't know what to say to him. She's afraid that by complaining she will upset him and their great sex life and despite dissatisfaction in other areas, she does not want to upset that apple cart.

Here's what I told her. First, understand that while love throbs in the chest of most women and spreads south, for most men it is the exact opposite. Men tend to express their love largely through sex. They bond through being physically connected with their woman, and satisfying love making is how a man knows that you love him. Reaching his orgasm is how and when your man feels most connected to you and that's the feeling he longs for and can't get enough of.

(Knowing this fact about men is helpful because it explains a lot about why they crave energy, consistency, passion and frequency when it comes to sex. This is why using sex as a tool of manipulation is counterproductive will never have a good outcome.)

On the other hand, I told Jesse that she has every right to express her need for more
BALANCE in their relationship. And she should approach the subject like any grown woman who OWNS her desire should, by respectfully and honestly letting her man know that she's more than willing to meet his needs as long as he's willing to meet hers.

Here's a sample script I offered her:

"I love knowing that you desire me so much. And I don't want that to change. I want and need the wonderful, luscious, crazy, amazing, loving sex we have but I also need you to make me feel appreciated and special and sometimes, that means doing and giving 'stuff' not necessarily expensive stuff, but tokens of affection that say you love and appreciate, think of me and adore me in and out of bed. It's the little things that make people feel valued. I am not asking for big flourishes, just small and steady shows of affection. I am sure that we can work together to find a happy medium that is meaningful for both of us."

Yes, we girls know that this is basically Girls 101 material, but men can be surprisingly dimwitted (and I mean that in only the nicest way) when it comes to romance, especially when they are already feeling satisfied and filled with love.

But we also can be dimwitted when it come to asking for what we want, and instead of expressing our needs, swallowing them unsaid and letting them fester into anger and resentment.

Let your man know that effort is sexy! If handled gracefully and without confrontation, he'll appreciate your honesty, especially if you let him know that his being nice to you outside the bedroom will only make things better inside!

What do you think?

January Poll Results

2009-02-17T19:58:00.006-05:00

In January we asked the question: What keeps you from having more sex?

30% said lack of a partner

8% said lack of interest IN my partner

23% said lack of interest BY my partner

21% said lack of time or energy

15% said lack of confidence

If you look through this blog, you'll see previous posts on sex from sexual chemistry to the importance of sex on the brain that will hopefully help you navigate through some of your issues.

Additionally, listed below are some of the health benefits associated with regular sex. Joy Davidson, Ph.D., a New York sex therapist, says there are 10 distinct ways in which sex has a positive physical effect.

• Relieves stress
• Boosts the immune system
• Burns calories
• Reduces stroke and heart attack risks
• Boosts self-esteem
• Improves intimacy
• Reduces body pain
• Lowers prostate cancer risk
• Strengthens pelvic muscles
• Helps you sleep better

Sex does a body good!

Love Yourself Today

2009-02-14T09:57:00.002-05:00

Guess What Your Man Wants for Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T02:42:00.004-05:00

It's Valentine's Day and if you haven't already gotten your gift for your mate or you'd like to supplement the one you have with one he'd really enjoy, you're in luck. I did a quick, unscientific poll asking men what they would enjoy as a gift for this Valentine's Day. I was astounded that nearly every response asked for the same things. Here are some their answers. The best part is that these are gifts that won't cost you a cent but will buy you a lot.

"Most men of my generation see Valentine's Day as a day when they are the givers not the receivers, but if I could have anything, it would be the chance to spend some real time together."

"The best Valentine's gift that a woman can give a man is encouragement or any expression of gratitude."

"I think our time on Valentine's Day would be best spent trying to figure out how we can be better spouses/lovers/partners, etc. every other day of the year."

"Support and encouragement is the best - fortunately, I feel like I have that! Also, I want all of my women in my home to be happy tomorrow."

"A card and a kiss--as an old married man. As a young single dating man, I want some gluteous maximus."

"I don't expect anything on this day which would be different from other days. Valentines, like Halloween, has been exploited by the retail industry. Before you tag me as a bah humbug - I love Christmas, Easter, Independence Day, MLK Day - each recognize a historical event or person. The story of St. Valentine has been lost."

"I would like to get through Sportscenter without any interruptions. No questions, no comments, nothing."

"Hell, just give me 60 minutes of uninterrupted sleep."

"A weekend, all paid for, in a nice hotel, room service, and sex all weekend."

"Quality time together. Just a great night--wine, candles, cooking together, just talking and making each other laugh, not dealing with crowds."

Interesting, huh. Encouragement, support, gestures of appreciation, quality time. Wrap it up and put a bow on it!

Join Me for a NY C Workshop February 10

2009-02-02T20:14:00.001-05:00

How to Use Your Sensual Power to Enhance Your Love Life AND Your Business Life

Society teaches women that we should feel sensual only when we are acting sexual, but by eliminating sensuality from daily life, we often find ourselves living without truly feeling alive. Sensuality is an untapped empowerment tool that can have a profound effect on the way you view and interact with the world. From the bedroom to the boardroom, learn how to elevate your sensual esteem and tap into your unique sensuality in order to create an extraordinary atmosphere in which to work, live, and love.

~ Rediscover your sensual world

~ Learn to charm, disarm, and S.E.L.L. yourself in an authentically confident way

~ Discover ways to get your sexy back

Date: Tuesday, February 10th

Time: 6:45pm ~ 9:00pm
Mingle, Presentation, Introductions, Door Prizes

Place: T-Salon tea café
Chelsea Market, 75 Ninth Ave, btwn 15 & 16 st. Walk all the way to the back.

Admission: Members $20.00,

Non-Members $25.00,

Cash or Checks preferred

RSVP at 646-932-3237 or robynwws@gmail.com.

Raising Sensual Sons

2009-02-01T18:02:00.006-05:00

I was recently perusing the aisles of Victoria's Secrets on a buying trip for my daughter. So there I was in the PINK section (read teen VS), trying to find age-appropriate draws (not too sexy but not too childish) for my soon-to-be sweet sixteen girl and trying to figure out exactly at what point low-rise actually became synonymous with band-aid, when a woman walked through the front door with her son. The mom looked to be in her late 30's and her son, I'd say somewhere between 10 and 12. Hand-in-hand they stepped past the hoodies and sweats; boy shorts, bikinis and thongs adorned with hearts and puppies, and just as they are about to cross the threshold into grown and sexy land, the woman yanked him back and said,

"Close your eyes, there are women's unmentionables in here." She then proceeded to pull this poor boy through the store and up to the cashier's desk to take care of her return.

Okay, so you know I stood there clutching a handful of cotton with that crazy "you're kidding me, right?" look sprayed across my face. I mean we weren't in a sex shop or at a nude fashion show or even the VS Angels runway show for that matter. We were in underwear store--albeit one that caters to those who adore the feel of satin and lace on their skin--but an underwear store nonetheless. I watched as this (IMHO) sad and ridiculous example of the blind leading the blind, and thought, Well there's another one some future woman is going to have to train.

Instead of making her son close his eyes like he was at some kind or dirty little peep show, she should have let him take in the wonderment of ladies lingerie and grabbed this as an opportunity to teach him how to appropriately admire ladies and their sensual ways, beginning with the idea that his mama is a woman. I recognize that these kind of talks can be tough, but I have always found that it's the matter-of-fact, age appropriate message that makes it so much easier to speak about and listen to.

As I stood there, in my mind, I relived a past conversation.

"What are you laughing at?"
"There's no butt in those underwear."
"Well, I guess they do look a little funny, but they have a purpose. When ladies where them under their pants or skirts you don't see the lines of their panties."
"What are those?"
"Garter belts. Some women use them to hold up their stockings instead of wearing pantyhose."
"I'm glad boys don't have to wear that kind of stuff."
"Well, boys don't have breasts so they don't need bras and they wear different kinds of pants so they don't need the same kind of undergarments. Besides I like wearing them."
"Why?"
"Because they make me feel pretty and special."

I pretty much had this exact conversation with my son, who is now nearly 20. Over the years we've had a multitude of conversations ranging from don't diss the third grade girls who like you but you don't like (she is braver than you because she had the courage to tell you how she felt and risk being rejected. You're fortunate that someone likes you that way. Be nice and kind)to oral sex (Oral sex is SEX and all sex is mutual and respectful so don't expect any woman to do for you what you won't do for her)to girls who cry (there is a difference between a girl who cries to manipulate you and one who is genuinely distressed. Recognize the difference, treat both gently but understand that Miss Drama is Her Middle Name, is going to be more trouble in the long run).

Talking is always good, and the mother-to-son conversation is especially important. Ladies, it's our jobs as mothers to counter the asinine and inappropriate media messages our sons receive and teach them to respect and admire women, even in their underwear. We have to help them understand body image and that the airbrushed bodies they covet in those videos and magazines aren't the bodies of most real women and even if they do start out that way, age, childbirth, hormones etc. will alter that temporary perfection. They need to understand the difference between sexy women and tempting tramps and to respect themselves enough to walk away from what may be readily available but potentially troublesome. You need to show by example that smart and confident is the kind of sexy that is true and lasting.

Come on moms, help an up-and-coming sister out. Teach your sons to be a respectful, responsible, tender, appreciative husband and lover for the lucky girl out there who will eventually be his.

What do you think?

250 Years of Seduction in Fashion

2009-01-23T14:45:00.004-05:00

The Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology presents "Seduction," the first chronological survey to explore 250 years of sexuality in fashion.

Seduction is traditionally defined as an act of temptation and enticement, often sexual in nature. Throughout history, men and women have utilized seductive clothing to enhance physical attractiveness, as well as to convey a sense of power and social status. The Museum at FIT presents "Seduction," the first chronological survey to explore 250 years of sexuality in fashion.

Featuring at least seventy looks and forty accessories, "Seduction" examines the complex relationship between seduction and clothing, presenting a visual history of sexuality, moral standards, and social norms - all observed through the prism of fashion. Examples include a black satin Belle Époque corset, red satin Manolo Blahnik stilettos, and a skintight black leather evening gown by John Galliano for Christian Dior.

"The proximity of clothing to the body is inherently sensual, conveyed through the strategic interplay of exposure and concealment," said Colleen Hill, curator of "Seduction."

"Seduction" is on view through June 16, 2009 in the Fashion and Textile History Gallery at The Museum at FIT. Admission is free.

Redefining Sex

2009-01-12T15:08:00.005-05:00

How do you define sex?

If you’re like most people, your definition probably includes begins and ends with the words, ‘intercourse’ and ‘orgasm.’ Well, ladies, I think it’s time we had a discussion about redefining sex beyond intercourse.

The clinical definition of sex is the one that most of us use to define our own ideas on what sex is. Clinically defined ‘intercourse’ is the penetration of a vagina with a penis, culminating with male ejaculation. This is very different from ‘sex,’ which includes all sexual techniques, big and small, designed to create and enhance intimacy and physical pleasure, whether or not orgasm is achieved.

Why is defining what sex is for yourself so important? Because when you do, each tender loving, erotic moment is still ‘sex’ and the wasted energy expended on anger and guilt for not 'putting out' is gone. By redefining the sex act, you are also training yourself and your lover that cuddling, kissing, petting etc. is all good and that there are times when ‘sex’ comes on your terms.

We women are so caught up in the erroneous perception that our role in the bedroom is that of sexual servant and partner pleaser that we have given up not only consideration for our own pleasure but also the incredible POWER that we possess but rarely, if ever, tap into.

This is an important lesson for women to learn from the gitgo because as life progresses and more life events occur i.e. marriage, children, menopause, and god-forbid, illness, managing your (and his) sexual desires and expectations becomes increasingly important.

What do you think?

December Poll Results

2009-01-07T13:58:00.003-05:00

Here are your poll results for December. The question was: All I want for Christmas is...

7% said More Time for Me
17% said More Money
20% said More Love
50% said More Sex
47% said All of the Above

I love you, my lovely, lusty ladies! Half of you said you wanted more sex in your life while nearly the same said you want it all.

So the question is: What are you going to do to bring more of what you want into your life? Are you going to stand aside and wish for what you want or step up and make things happen?

While our nation and the world is in the midst of this major correction and busy trying to find its center, you should be taking this opportunity to prepare yourself for the life you want. You can line up and be part of the B & M chorus (that's bitch and moan) or you can be part of the Do and Be crowd. Take a guess which group is going to achieve results faster?

How do I get started, you ask? First sit down and interview yourself about what you love and hate about your life as it is right now. Make two lists, one of all the things you truly want to eliminate in your life this year. All the negative, toxic things that are keeping you from being the magnificent woman you are meant to be. Be honest but gentle with yourself. Read it out loud and then burn the list as a sign of your unburdening yourself of these things.

Make a second list of all the great things you love about who you are and what you do. Use this list to build upon the positive changes you want to create during 2009.

Then take the rest of this month to hone in on your top priorities for change in your life this year. Put them in order of importance to you and under each, list just three ways you can start NOW to make these things come to fruition. Three things. They don't have to be huge. They can be small as long as they move you forward. So if you want to bring more love (or sex or money or truth) in your life, list three ways that you can begin that process. Work on one priority at a time or all at once, depending on your ability to multitask.

Here are a few of my favorite saying that you can adopt to spur you on: Where your mind goes your butt follows. Change your attitude; change your life. Wishing doesn't make it so. Seek Balance, Find Happiness.

What do you think?

Snow Angels and Other Gifts of Innocence

2009-01-05T12:48:00.007-05:00

Happy 2009! I've finally sat down (okay sobered up) long enough to reflect a bit on Christmas past.

I don't know about you, but I was happy as hell to see 2008 head on out the door (with the imprint of my size 8 stiletto planted firmly on its behind). What a year! Yes, we elected President-elect Obama but that joy was swiftly replaced by the reality of a deep economic recession that touches all of us--no matter how high or low on the hog we're accustomed to living. By Thanksgiving we were all left feeling scared, uncertain, vulnerable and just a little bit helpless.

And then the holiday season kicked into high gear and with it the need to give our families (particularly our kids) the kind of comfort and joy they are used to feeling around this season, while now, we broke-ass Santas were feeling a lot less jolly.

But, as they say, with every cloud there is a silver lining. I decided to let go and let God but also loose and let laughter reign. Once I stopped worrying about the fact that I couldn't surround myself or family with the high pricedthings this Christmas, I had this major 'ah ha' moment. A lot of expensive stuff may not be possible but I could surround them with pleasure and that's when I decided to give myself and my family the gift of returned innocence.

First, I made the house look and smell as joyous as possible. Fresh pointsetta plants, cinnamon scented pine cones and candles, a fresh pine tree decorated with treasured ornaments and colorful lights (wasn't in the mood for serene, classic white lights this year). Candlelight sparkled everywhere, every night. Music filled the house and though there was more room under the tree than in previous years, Christmas was alive and well in the Woolridge household.

Without all the shopping to do, we rediscovered how amazing the season could be. We cooked for family and friends--everything from gumbo to pork tenderloin with red onion jam. I also took myself into Manhattan for the sole purpose of walking, watching, window shopping and really enjoying the holiday ambiance--something after all of these years of living just outside of the city I rarely did. I didn't step foot into one store but instead witnessed a true wonderland. The majestic tree and colorful ice skaters in Rockerfeller Center, the decorated shop windows, the horse drawn buggies and the amazed and happy faces of tourists who picked a great time to witness New York City for the first time. The herds of smiling face blocking the streets as the Radio City Hall Christmas show let out. I sat in St. Patrick's Cathedral and prayed and meditated for a better year for all of us and was gifted by a chorus of angels rehearsing for Christmas mass.

It was fabulous, soul-stirring, smile-rendering and but for train fare--free.

And then it snowed. My world was covered in white, glistening snow just as Christmas time should be. And leaving behind all of their video games, ipods, iphones, and on- line social sites, my nearly grown kids went out and played in the snow. Snowball fights ensued, snow angels took flight and hot chocolate awaited them.

Santa regifted us with innocence this Christmas. It kind of sounds corny as I write this all down but to let me know that 2009 is going to be all right after all. It also reminds me that sensual living usurps material living any and every day.

What do you think?

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T19:18:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T13:45:00.002-05:00

I had so many ideas to blog about this holiday season...Naughty or Nice...Sensual Gifts for Friends and Lovers...Rediscovering the Gift of Simple Innocence, but alas,time has slipped away and I find myself with just enough time at my computer to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. I wish you love and peace of soul this holiday season. Live sensually. Love hard!

Intimate Engagements

2008-12-10T10:51:00.008-05:00

So last night, one of my Unleash the Sensual You classes had a reunion at an inviting shop called Intimate Engagements in Montclair, New Jersey. It's a wonderful shop that is all about sensual pleasure and a far, far cry from the usual often sleazy toy shops.

The sensuality/sexuality on display was inspiring to say the least, and by the time I got there, these girls were stocking up on everything from love coupons to lipstick vibrators.

Two of my lovely ladies had fast approaching 'intimate engagements' with new lovers and they were stocking up on items that they thought would make their first evening together "special." We're talking four arms full of games, sex dice, eye masks, kiss coupons and fantasy cards.

Wow! Was my first reaction. "Let's chat," was what came out of my mouth.

Now, if you read this blog on the regular you know that I am a true believer in the joys of toys, but contrived and kitchy sex games, not so much. So, let me share with you the advice I gave to these two special women.

Yes, every woman wants to impress a new lover. It's human nature that we want to be seen as confident, hot, sexual goddesses, but the first time is not the time to pull out the overflowing toy box. First off, men too have performance anxieties when it comes to a new lover, and the idea that you have loaded up with a basketful of 'aides' may not go over the way you imagined. Also, you don't want to put a damper on a good time because the toy experiments fail or the Kama Sutra powder causes an asthma attack or flavored oil makes his lips swell. Get to know his natural, sexual preferences before you introduce handcuffs into the game.

You want to be confident and sexual but not contrived and unimaginative. Use things like kiss coupons and sexual fantasy games as inspiration. Find interesting ideas and present them as your own (hell yes that's allowed!) and then sit down at the computer to make up your own cute coupons and invitations. Effort is sexy! You get extra hottie points when a man knows you put in time and creativity on his behalf.

What really makes sex special with you is the fact that it is with YOU. The key to a 'special' first time is to be relaxed, confident, and turned on before you even say hello. Worry that everything about you and your surrounding is sensual and touchable and then be spontaneous and have fun. Don't worry about turning him out but rather turning each other on. I told them that laughter, joy and passion beat manufactured, instructions included sex anytime.

I told them to save the vibrators and other battery operated toys for the future when the novelty of a new lover had run its course and it was necessary to introduce a little innovation into the mix. Most of all, be yourself, I told them, because (say it with me now) being yourself can never be wrong and seduce yourself and (all together) let him be an afterthought.

Intimacy begins with you and him exploring and enjoying each other. Not you, him and a blow up sheep!

What do you think?

Tis the Season for Sensuality

2008-12-05T15:06:00.005-05:00

I am not going to lie. Two days ago there were twenty-three days left before Christmas, and I was feeling a little like Scrooge. Okay, A LOT like Scrooge.

And why wouldn't I? Like everyone else in the country, I'm walking around with the ghost of damn these holidays trailing behind me. Money is tight and looks like will only get tighter. Another year has come and gone and I still can't fit into my favorite, go-to LBD, plus my current diet supplements of pumpkin bread slathered in cream cheese and washed down with the cocktail du jour don't seem to be helping. My back is claiming its age and my everlasting wanderlust has been doused with a big fat reality check--the only check I've seen in weeks. Also the kids have written their annual Santa list (even though they are 19 and 15, I refuse to let them call it anything else!) and teenagers or not, you don't want to disappoint the little ones at Christmas. And I haven't even begun to list my brothers and sisters, their kids, my godkids and friends.

Happy holidays, my too big to get into my fav dress ass!!

(Pause for my private pity party...Bitchandmoanbitchandmoanbitchandmoan...)

But then I got a sensory reminder that has changed my entire attitude. See, what had happen was, I went to Bed Bath and Beyond armed in search of a mattress topper to aid my ailing back. Believe me, I was looking right ugly and feeling mean as the frickin' Grinch and did not give one damn. And as Cedric the Entertainer pointed out, I wished somebody would jump in front of me in line or do something equally stupid. I simply wanted to get in and out and back home before the Motrin wore off. But as soon as I walked through the sliding doors everything changed. My nostrils were welcomed with the wonderfully delicious smell of cinnamon scented pine cones. The smell literally stopped me in my tracks and with each yummy inhale I started to feel more centered and calm.

As holiday shoppers swirled around me, I stood in the middle of the aisle with my eyes closed shut and my nose open wide as smile producing memories came flooding into my mind. Taking the kids to chop down the Christmas tree. Watching the delight in their eyes as the lights went on and gave the room a soft cheery glow. Putting together toys in front of the roaring fireplace. Unwrapping each ornament and decorating the tree. Smelling the fresh pine scent and feeling the lush fir tickle my arms. The carols piped in throughout the store just added to the ambiance and before I knew it, I was smiling and actually feeling uplifted and joyful.

One big whiff and suddenly I felt all merry and bright. I mean, I still looked like a homeless woman, but now felt like a Christmas angel. I drifted through the aisles, humming the tune to Star Bright, and found my mattress pad. Then I moseyed over and picked up a couple of bags of pine cones, helped a lady in line in front of me on with her coat, who in turn gifted me with a 20% off coupon.

All this to say that once again living through my senses pulled me out of my bah humbug mood, changed my energy and gifted me to boot! And I offer you the same advice. This year has the potential to be a really hard and depressing holiday season if you allow the pressing forces outside to squeeze the joy you possess inside. Surround yourself with all the sounds, scents, tastes, sights, and textures of the season and make yourself and your family happy by treating them to the simple pleasures that really do make us feel alive and joyful.

What do you think?

November Poll Results...Compliments

2008-12-02T17:17:00.002-05:00

Here are the poll results for November. The question was about your ability to give and receive compliments.

54% said compliments were easy to receive and believe.

30% said compliments were difficult to receive and believe.

33% said compliments were easy to give.

3% said compliments were difficult to give.

So let me compliment the more than half of you who are living an all around complimentary life. Excellent work ladies! And also kudos to you who were happy to notice something nice about someone and comment on it.

I asked this because in a recent Unleash the Sensual You workshop I gave, I asked each woman in the workshop to stand in the middle of the circle while the others in the group gave her a compliment. You would have thought I said stand there so we could throw rocks at your head! Instead of hearing and internalizing the amazing things that stood out about them to strangers, most shut down and were visibly uncomfortable. They stood there squirming and fidgeting and screwing up their faces, wanting it to be over.

I had to ask, "So when a man comes over and says you have a great smile and you do that with your face, you are surprised that he doesn't follow through?"

If you take the time to listen, you will find that people--friends and strangers--are gifting you all the time, revealing what is unique and special about you. If you allow yourself to believe, you will find that these compliments become the cornerstone of your self-confidence.

Listen. Learn. And rejoice in your own wonderfulness!

What do you think?

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T20:48:00.004-05:00

Being grateful is always sexy, even in these trying times!

Take a Kaleidoscope View of Life

2008-11-20T15:12:00.011-05:00

I collect very few things--interesting people, suns, charm bracelets and kaleidoscopes. Okay, jewelry too, but that has less to do with any kind of empowerment or spirituality and everything to do with my sincere belief that diamonds (and sapphires and emeralds and every gem in between) are indeed a girl's best friend. But let's not go down that road today.

Kaleidoscopes come in all sizes and price ranges and are amazing works of art. For those of you not familiar with these happy phenomenons, a kaleidoscope is a tube of mirrors containing loose colored beads, pebbles or other small colored objects. The viewer looks in one end and light enters the other end, reflecting off the mirrors. Typically there are two rectangular lengthwise mirrors. Setting of the mirrors at 45° creates eight duplicate images of the objects, six at 60°, and four at 90°. As the tube is rotated, the tumbling of the colored objects presents the viewer with varying colors and patterns. Any arbitrary pattern of objects shows up as a beautiful symmetric pattern because of the reflections in the mirrors (yes, I copied this directly from the Internet--my less-than-scientific definition is simply, "magic").

Never has a little smoke and mirrors been so gorgeous (we're not counting Spanx, here!), and for me they have become a metaphor for the remarkable resilience of the human spirit and a reminder that the true beauty of this world is not only in the eye of the beholder but is a creation of positive mind over matter. They speak to me of the beauty and power of new possibilities.

So what made me write about this now? Well let's see, I had to turn down a writing assignment--an all expense paid trip to Brazil no less, because I had already made a commitment I could not change. Then my heater has been out for three days (it's 35 degrees here during the day), a writing project I thought I'd sold fell through, and like everyone else, the economy is stressing me and my family out. So I sat, hunkered down in my bed under a mountain of blankets, and tearfully picked up my new kaleidoscope. I sat for several minutes marveling at the myriad of intricate patterns and light play and felt a quick renewal of hope. Instantly, my mood lifted and my attitude brightened with each pleasurable peek inside.

These were the thoughts left with me:

Something new and lovely awaits me at every turn...Nothing stays the same but change can be exciting and beautiful...Only movement can create awe-inspiring change...Pleasure is as simple as I make it...Wonderment is a marvelous thing...If I am in the moment, opportunity lost is always replaced with an opportunity found.

So, in these trying times take a kaleidoscope view of life. Find joy and beauty where you stand, recognize that sometimes it's the simple things that can get you through the moment, and that above all, positive change is coming. Watch the video below and see if you don't find calming comfort and joy in the changing patterns.

What do you think?

Four Little Details Men Notice About Women

2008-11-18T12:44:00.004-05:00

Here's an article I found by Rich Santos of Marie Claire magazine. Good stuff about the little things men notice--and we're not talking boobs or butt here!

They say the "devil is in the details," but the other night, my friend and I were scanning the bar and noticing minor things about women. After reflecting on our observations, I put together four small things that guys notice that they don't often point out to women. Here they are:

Hands

I study a girl's hands pretty intensely. Beautiful hands can portray daintiness and strength at the same time. I notice manicures, and complexion. I imagine what it's like to hold them. I'm not much of a hand holder, but pretty hands will turn me into a hand holder. I even watch how a girl grips things. There are definitely different objects and shapes that look amazing in a girl's hands, such as a wine glass. A wine glass has delicate curves that play off a woman's hands. When I notice fingers that are appealing tome, I imagine how those fingertips would feel.

Hair

I've mentioned hair before, so I wouldn't say it's a "little thing". But hair can do simple actions that can evoke powerful emotions. One day I ran into my friend on the way to work-the friend that wore high heels to the soccer game. One thing's for sure: this girl really knows how to take care of and do her hair. We were just talking and walking when a gust of wind blew right down the street and ran through her hair. The indescribable motion that took place in her hair was beautiful. I even noticed that a random guy we passed turned his head and looked. I didn't realize until the day was over, but seeing that gust of wind go through my friend's hair put me in a good mood the rest of the day. So, while hair is a big deal, little random moments can create big, great things.

Attitude Towards Others

When I go out to dinner with a girl, I keep a close eye on how she treats a waiter or hostess. Does she say "thanks," and generally act polite and respectful? Sometimes I feel as if I'm overly cordial to people: I wish them a nice day and always make sure to say "thanks." But, what makes a woman has to do with more than just how she treats me. A person with a beautiful personality treats everyone nicely and respectfully. It's fun to be out with a girl and watch her make people smile from afar. It makes me feel proud and lucky that I'm with her. It's already an amazing thing when I meet a girl that can brighten my days. But if this girl brightens everyone's days, then I'm even luckier.

What Does She Notice?

It's fun meeting different people because they always bring a new perspective. When I break down music I love for people, they ask how I even care about every last little sound and note that I analyze and point out to them. What little things does a woman notice or point out? If we go to a Broadway show, for example,does she notice something in the background set? Does she notice the couple in front of us that are very much in love? Does she notice that the usher hates us because we are whispering and showed up just as the lights were going down? Sure, we share big thoughts and ideas with one another, but sometimes you can learn a lot about a person just by the details they notice in life and moments. It is a fun adventure going out with someone who can laugh at and notice little things, and who always brings new insights to different situations.

Once I realized that I was noticing little things, I came to the conclusion that little simple moments are just part of overall beauty. Beauty can be defined in a collection of moments, or memories more often than it can be defined by someone's appearance.

Seeing a girl across the room, holding a wine glass with pretty hands and making people smile, or a moment in the morning where the windr uns through a girl's hair, or a girl I'm noticing someone walking by in a Members Only jacket, are simple moments that should never be taken for granted.

What is a little thing (appearance, moment or personality)that you notice in a guy that is a simple, beautiful thing?

October Poll Results...Talkin' Naughty

2008-11-07T21:52:00.006-05:00

Here are your poll results for October. You all are some naughty little talkers. You go girls!

71% Say naughty talk is exciting for both of you

14% Say naughty talk is something you'd like to do but don't feel comfortable with

14% Say naughty talk is something you'd like him to do but don't know how to ask

0% Say naughty talk is rude and disrespectful

Naughty talk is a type of pillow talk. You can use vivid words to add to your sexual enjoyment before and during the lovemaking. Talking dirty can be anything from giving him insults, supplying him with vivid images, to whispering descriptive curse words to your guy's ear.

If you feel shy about it, consider this to be a hot little secret just between the two of you. Relax and let go. Think of it as adding a new, more adventure chapter to your love life.

The trick is to be direct (naughty talk is not about nuance) and go with the flow. If you or your lover are initially shy, begin with comments versus a running dialogue. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

1. Tell him what you're wearing under your clothing, and ask him what's under his.
2. Put on sexy lingerie (or wear none at all) and give him a tiny peek when he first sees you and no more until it's time for the entire reveal. Anticipation is a huge turn on.
3. Leave him a suggestive voice message on his cell (never on his office phone).
4. Whisper your desires in his ear while out in public.
5. Send him a text message. Short, sweet and definitely to the point.
6. Give him something to think about as he's dashing out the door for work.
7. Email him some sassy notes (again not to the company computer).

Ready for a conversation? After a glass of wine or two to lower your inhibitions, start by telling him about something he does that you enjoy and turns you on or clue him in on what body parts of his are your particular favorites. Be as descriptive as possible. Don't worry about being embarrassed, in fact use it to your advantage. Whisper it in his ear so you don't have to look him in the eye. Believe me, the images you conjure up will cause a reaction that is bound to get your confidence flowing!

If a little dirty talk floats your boat, don't be afraid to suggest it. Men really want to please their lovers, so ask him to tell you what turns him on. Get him going by asking questions like, "Would you like to touch my (you fill in what you want touched)?" You'll not only learn about what's arousing your partner most, but you can also subtly direct the conversation to suit your desires, be they kinky or romantic.

Sometime all talk is all the action you need!

What do you think?

Amazing Grace.....

2008-11-05T22:41:00.002-05:00

Owning It!

2008-10-26T15:54:00.005-04:00

We all know somebody who we admire (and envy) not for her great body or amazing skin or to-die-for style or her ability to speak to anyone in the room. No, I'm talking about the friend or acquaintance who has the uncanny ability to say NO, and not lose one iota of her charm and magnetism or walk away steeping in guilt.

Traditionally, women have been raised to be accommodating and helpful to others. And a lot of us think that somehow saying "no" is rude, mean, or uncaring. But just because someone doesn't want to be told "no" doesn't make it a bad thing to say.

How much simpler and joyful our lives would be if we ceased trying to please others at the detriment of our own peace of soul and happiness. If we decided to not only accept ourselves in all of our perfect imperfection but to own ourselves with no apology or explanation.

Owning yourself is all about living the power and pleasure of your own truth. Determining for yourself what is proper and moral and right is truly sexy and honest and the most truthful way of living of all. As long as you are living the Universal truths of finding joy, doing no harm, giving and accepting love, combined with those religious beliefs that make you feel right with your God, you are owning IT and yourself in a right and proper way. And that's being scandalous in all the right ways!

The key to owning IT is to understand at your core that "being yourself can never be wrong." This is not to say that you are perfect or that you can't ever make mistakes or incorrect judgments. It is about realizing that even with all your flaws, you are still fundamentally a strong, beautiful being just as you are and that there is no room in a confidently sensual woman's life for making excuses for things she can not or chooses not to change because she understands that these are the things tht make her who she is.

So here are the basic steps towards self ownership:

1) Understand who you are at your core. We've been talking about this since the first blog entry as we sought to help you define your uniqueness through your core senses and personality traits. Knowing who you are enables you to embrace who you are instead of who you want to be.

2) Accept and get comfortable with yourself on this level. Accepting your core and being comfortable with it provides a solid foundation for you to build upon as you work to bring into balance the sides of you that exist but have not been fully realized. Body, mind and soul put yourself on the list of people you unconditionally love.

3) Make an effort on a daily basis to find ways to assert your self ownership. Even if it means starting by eliminating the words, "I'm sorry to bother you but" or agreeing to do something for someone you don't want to do or don't have time to do.

4) Set boundaries. Boundaries give you the emotional and physical space to be yourself without others telling you how to think, feel or act. It is vitally important to own your own voice and the right to speak up for yourself. Set up clearly defined limits for those you love (who can sometimes be the most difficult) and those you don’t, and recognize that denying yourself in an effort to please others, has the exact opposite effect. Ultimately, no one is pleased or happy.

Remember to know YOU, is to love YOU.

What do you think?

Sexy Halloween

2008-10-15T14:32:00.004-04:00

I've received several emails in response to my October flirt tip. You've been asking for some sexy costume suggestions. Glad to hear you're planning you own trick for treats celebration. Here are a few suggestions and a link for some online shopping.

Consider dressing as a dirty martini (serve it up shaken AND stirred); a sexy witch (hello my pretty); sexy cupid (shoot me with your best shot); sexy soldier (come find my weapons of mass seduction); sexy flight attendant (mile high club, anyone?); sexy boxer (float like a butterfly; sting like a bee) or a sexy ref (no harm, no foul).

Check out www.halloweenstreet.com for everything but the martini. That can be found at www.brandsonsale.com

The Rise of Fall

2008-10-15T13:12:00.004-04:00

This blog is written specifically to all of you lovelies ages 40 and up. However, if you fall under this age group, please continue reading. There's nothing better than having knowledge of what's ahead.

Okay, so this weekend I'm doing the soccer mom thing and travel up to Williams College in Massachusetts with my husband and daughter to see my son play. It was a four hour drive from my home in New Jersey and to be perfectly honest, I was not looking forward to the drive.

But then we got off the New York Thruway and started down all these two lane county roads. Can I tell you, it proved to one of the most delicious servings of eye candy I've had in a long time. Between the blue sky, flame colored leaves, the crisp fall air and every now and again the whiff of burning wood, topped off with my favorite iPod playlist, this trip had become a truly sensory delight.

Be assured, there is no better artist than Mother Nature.

Anyway, I am in complete awe and silent rapture as I am taking in all of this breathtaking loveliness, and then my husband says, "It's too bad they look the best right before they're going to die." To which my daughter says, "I know, the leaves really do get prettier as they get older."

I didn't say a word because I'm in my seat thinking, I'm like those trees--vibrant, colorful, and beautiful standing out among the evergreens. I didn't verbalize my thoughts because one, they wouldn't understand, and two, this was a deep and important 'ah ha' moment. It was a quiet declaration that I needed to acknowledge and internalize in order to fuel my fabulosity into this next stage of my life.

If you read this blog, you know that I turned fifty five months ago. And though I've been pretty cool about it, I've had my moments of 'damn, I'm old.' Well, this weekend, among all that lovely fiery foliage I made peace with the fact that I am indeed in the autumn of my life. And you know what? I'm totally fine with it. True my body now has more in common with my senior mother than my teenage daughter, and true I've had to reduce my four inch heel time from 'all day, everyday' to time 'on the cocktail circuit' but those spring chicken accouterments pale in comparison to the bevy of beautiful smarts I've garnered through these first two seasons of my life.

My leaves may not be that young, fresh to the world green any more, but that's okay, my spirit is and that's what keeps me full of curiosity and gives me my sense of adventure. And now my limbs may be a little less springlike, but are still bursting full of character and uniqueness. I don't have to hide in the forest anymore because I'm uncertain of who I am or what the world may think of me. I stand out among the trees because I am comfortable in my colorfulness and gorgeous sense of self. Little saplings, that's the great thing about being grown and fabulous flora: With age comes wisdom and the confidence of knowing that being yourself can never be wrong.

And being the fine fall foliage I am, I am not about to get caught up in the 'if I only knew then what I know now' regret. That's a pile of crap. I'm going to look back on the spring and summer seasons of my life and bid them a fond farewell, relish the memories I can remember (LOL) and take everything I know now and create some absolutely scandalous, girl-can-you-believe-I-did-that-wouldn't-change-a-thing, new memories.

So, my fellow fall femmes, you know that saying, "Can't see the forest for the trees?" Well, that's us. We're the trees, busy living our colorful and vibrant autumns out loud while the rest of the forest stays green with envy!

What do you think?

Chemistry Counts Part II

2008-10-07T10:44:00.003-04:00

In Part I of the chemistry question I told you that, "I encounter other SU students who recognize that they are not sexually compatible with their lovers but hang in anyway, hoping things will change or convincing themselves that it doesn't really matter, all the while setting themselves and their relationships up for outside interference."

Sad but true.

I know that the notion of not being sexually compatible with the one you love is not only upsetting but painful as well. But as with everything else, I am a true advocate of facing the truth, particularly your individual truth. The truth that is based on your unique set of values, circumstances, and relationships.

First of all, it is important to understand that sexual chemistry and sexual compatibility are two very different things. It's when the two work in tandem that time spent between the sheets goes far beyond simply satisfactory. But sadly, having a lot of sexual chemistry with someone does not guarantee that the two of you will be sexually compatible.

Think of it this way. I love bacon and I love chocolate, but together not so much. The idea of the two may be intriguing and maybe even a little tempting but once brought together the combination does absolutely nothing for me.

Sexual compatibility is about whether you and your lover "fit" together on many levels--frequency, intensity, temperament, technique, etc. These and more all play a part of your compatibility and no matter how much you love somebody, you'll have a difficult time moving past the problems sexual incompatibility creates in your relationship if you do not deal with it. Problems that crop up from build up resentment and anger. Problems like infidelity or divorce--his or yours.

Granted, we all can have an off-night or a span of weeks or even months where our health or situations cause our sexual chemistry to suffer. Don't panic and take this as a sign that you've permanently lost your mojo. Be clear about communicating what's going with you to your partner, get through the issues that are blocking your desire and then climb back to bed with bells on!

However, if you find yourself have sex that is less than perfect or downright unappealing more often than you would like, the worst thing to you can do is ignore the problem and hope that it will get better in time or just go away.

Sometimes not connecting sexually is a symptom of other things not going well in your relationship. Often when when things are going poorly in the bedroom it's because things outside the bedroom need fixing, but sometimes things are good in every other aspect of your partnership but your chemistry is off. Either way, is a sign of other things not being quite right. So it’s definitely worthwhile exploring together what could make that sexual connection better.

The only way to get to the bottom of this is to be honest with first yourself, and then your lover. We women have a bad habit of not acknowledging our sexual wants and needs to ourselves, let alone our partners. We expect our men not only to know what we want, but when and how! This is because very few of us have any pride of ownership or take responsibility for our own sexual selves. We are our own victims when it comes to being sexually satisfied because we have bought into the idea that we are sexual servants, that it is our responsibility to make sure that our man is satisfied and happy. Hell, even with the best of 'masters' that crap gets old fast, particularly when it is at the expense of our own satisfaction.

So, know what you want and how you want it, and gently, lovingly and honestly communicate these needs. Don't make him feel like a failure, but let him know it has been your fault that you haven't communicated these needs to him. Ask and be willing to listen to his needs and wants and accommodate when and where you feel comfortable. Start your sexual live together over, rewriting the rules to work with who you both are today. This may very well include redefining exactly what 'sex' is for the two of you. (More on this subject soon)

Addressing this often touchy subject as partners, not adversaries, is the only way that you will learn how to really please each other in bed. The good news is that often two people can work through these issues with enough honest communication or with the help of professional guidance.

What do you think?

September Poll Results...Chemistry Counts

2008-10-01T17:40:00.006-04:00

Last month's poll was on the concept of sexual chemistry. For the most part, poll results were fairly predictable, and happily, it seems the majority of you are doing just fine in the laboratory of love! I did think the percentage of those linking chemistry to relationship viability would be higher. I'll explain why below.

First, here are the results to September's poll question: I think chemistry in a relationship is something that:

53% said chemistry is something you know you have immediately

51% said chemistry keeps a relationship viable

12% said chemistry takes time to develop and build

7% said chemistry it is overrated because respect and affection is more durable

2% said chemistry is something you wish your relationship had more of

I decided to ask this question because I often have Stiletto U students who don't know or who are reluctant to recognize the importance of chemistry between themselves and a potential or current partner.

So what is sexual chemistry?

Sexual chemistry is that undeniable attraction that is felt on an unspoken level between two people, even before any type of relationship has started. You know that delicious feeling you get towards someone who makes you twirl your hair and bite your lip. It's that exchange of energy that makes you feel giddy and light and has you daydreaming aboutwhat he's like in bed while he's trying to patiently explain to you the difference between a lager and an ale.

There is no denying that sex between two people with great chemistry is exhilarating. Lovers with red-hot chemistry tend to respond to each other with amazing intensity, and are in the moment with each other, enjoying every minute of the experience mind AND body. Great sexual chemistry ebbs and flows in time but the attraction remains constant.

But let's not forget that sexual chemistry also encompasses the compatibility of two people are once they're actually having sex. And like most things, the way women and men look at sexual chemistry can be very different. Most women tend to see it as a foundation upon which to build a relationship, while men are more hard wired to look at great chemistry as the predictor of steamy sex. And women are much more likely than men to connect sexual chemistry with love.

What I hear often is that a woman has great sexual chemistry with a guy but then after a few months, things fizzle out. By that time she's thinking she's made a love connection and is confused why things didn't work out. Largely I find, this is because she is focused on the sexual attraction and willfully ignoring the issues outside the bedroom. And yet, because sex is so good between them she has a difficult time recognizing the truth and moving on because she has indeed equated this chemistry with love.

On the other hand, I encounter other SU students who recognize that they are not sexually compatible with their lover but hang in anyway, hoping things will change or convincing themselves that it doesn't really matter, all the while setting themselves and their relationships up for outside interference. (More on sexual incompatibility next time.)

Bottom line: Sexual chemistry is vital in keeping a relationship strong and viable. At the same time there are levels of intensity, all which are fine as long as they match your lover's...in other words, as long as you are sexually compatible in your chemical reaction to each other firing up the love lab should not be a problem.

What do you think?

5 Myths About Sex After 50

2008-09-24T14:49:00.003-04:00

Hi All,

I apologize for my lack of content lately but I am under several deadlines at the moment. To fill in between my blog entries, I'll be sharing with you interesting articles by other thoughtful folks who believe in love and the pursuit of sensual happiness. Below is a great piece by Sari Locker, PH.D. Learn and enjoy!

Whether you've been single for a while or are just getting back into the dating scene, you probably have a few ideas about what your love life should be like at this age. Maybe you've even joked to yourself, "What love life? Aren't I too old to act like a hormonal teenager?" But the truth is, these years can bring on your very best sexual experiences. To show you how, I've laid out some of the most common misconceptions about sex at this age, and explained where faulty logic may lead you astray. Keep these reality checks in mind and plenty of satisfying experiences await.

Myth #1: If you're having sex with someone, you can assume it's serious
You may remember back in high school when, after three dates, you were officially a committed couple. But times have changed. Today, even if you've been dating and/or sleeping with someone for months, you can never assume you're exclusive -- or, for that matter, that your one-and-only is dying to find a life partner and settle down. Many 50-somethings want to date around, especially if they're divorced and experiencing single life again for the first time in years. So, don't get so caught up in the excitement of your new romance that you let this crucial detail slide. Many people find that the best time to pop the question is once it becomes clear that you may soon start having sex. If that's your case, consider saying it this way: "Before we sleep together, I need to know this relationship is exclusive." Or if you've already crossed that line, it's completely fine to pull back and say, "I'm not comfortable continuing to sleep with you unless we're in a committed relationship." That way, you're both clear on your expectations and won't be blindsided by surprises.

Myth #2: You're too old to worry about STDs
Just because the risk of pregnancy is gone after menopause doesn't mean you're in the clear when it comes to having unprotected sex. Sexually transmitted diseases can be passed from partner to partner at any age and aren't merely something younger generations need to worry about. According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 23 percent of the total diagnoses of HIV in the past year were in men and women who were 45 or older. Overall, about 10 percent of all people with AIDS in the U.S. are age 50 and older. And that's not all there is to watch out for -- herpes, HPV, Chlamydia, and other ailments are all surprisingly common in this age group. So make sure to use condoms and consider both getting tested before you jump into action.

Myth #3: Your aging body is no longer as attractive as it once was
Sure, many of today's most prevalent sex symbols -- Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Justin Timberlake -- are young. Still, there are plenty of celebrities over 50 -- Goldie Hawn, Susan Sarandon, and Sean Connery, to name a few -- who prove that people can be hot at any age. So stop worrying about your wrinkles, gray hair and less-than-youthful assets and revel in the ways age has made you even more seductive: Now, more than ever, you're in touch with your turn-ons, turn-offs, and what makes you tick. And that's very attractive! Plus, take a cue from some of those older hotties I mentioned by staying fit, getting a new hairstyle, or splurging on a new outfit or two to feel fabulous and up-to-date. Also, if you are meeting someone, forgo the sedentary dinner date and ask this person to go on a walk or dancing instead. Revving your energy like this can boost your body image and pave the way to a lustier post-date encounter.

Myth #4: Sex should feel the same as it did when you were younger
It's a fact of life: Sex is going to feel different as you age. Post-menopausal women lubricate less, which can make sex uncomfortable. Men over 50 may find that their erections are not as firm or frequent as they were when they were younger. This is all normal, and in no way means you can't enjoy yourself by making some adjustments. Consider getting a water-based lubricant (many are available at drugstores) to help out where nature has left off. Men, see a doctor to find out if Viagra or a similar medication will give you the boost you may need. But products and prescriptions are not the only solutions. When the action's lagging, consider switching from intercourse to oral sex or asking each other, "What can I do to make you feel good?" Keep the lines of communication open, and you'll easily adapt to your body's changes and those of your partner.

Myth #5: By this point, you know what you like -- and should stick to it
Think you've been there, done that with all things sexual and have a good handle on what floats your boat in bed? Guess again: People's tastes and turn-ons change through the years, and sometimes, the only way to figure out what works is to try it -- or, if you already did decades ago, give it a second chance. Maybe sex toys seemed silly or embarrassing to you during your younger years. Now, however, they are an array of cute, non-threatening products available in non-sleazy stores and online sites (like Goodvibes.com). Or, maybe you were never a fan of a certain sex position (like woman on top) or activity (like talking dirty). Well, now's the time to reconsider. It sure beats doing the same old, same old for the next few decades. Treat sex like the ongoing adventure it should be, and the fun will never end!

Dr. Sari Locker, Ph.D., is a sex educator, TV personality, and author of the bestseller, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex. She has an M.S. in sex education and a Ph.D. in psychology, and was the host of Late Date with Sari on Lifetime Television. Her website is sarilocker.com.

Thigh Highs and Other Self-Starters

2008-09-15T12:43:00.005-04:00

It's amazing how having a fifteen year old daughter who is on the cusp of discovering her own sensuality/sexuality makes you step back and take a look at your own. It's also amazing how so much of these discussions begin because the girl is once again pilfering in your damn closet.

Okay, so I'm downstairs in my office writing and from above I hear, "Mom, just how many thigh high pairs of boots do you own?"

Damn! Why can't this girl stay out of my stuff? If I find one more post-it stuck to something saying, 'Sorry, I'll get this fixed' or 'I'll get you a new one,' my son is going to be an only child, but that's a different post.

So I take the stairs two at a time, not an easy feat on a spiral staircase, but the need for speed is great because frankly, tall boots make great storage space for other things, (if you know what I mean) and I'm just not in the mood to tackle a discussion on things that go buzz in the night. I get to my closet and thank goodness, she's not ventured into the trying on stage.

"Why are you in my closet?"

"Why do you need three pairs of *thigh high boots? You're old."

I wanted to tell her to kiss my loving ass, but I don't because apparently you aren't suppose to say those kind of things to your children, but I damn sure screamed in my head--hard and loud. I didn't bother to tell her that I've had some of those boots nearly as long as I've had her because that only seemed to go to her 'you're old' argument. Nor did I tell her that at 50, I too had begun to question whether I was too old to wear such fashion, but that after seeing style expert Lloyd Boston's appropriately fabulous mother (I interviewed him for a magazine article and she was there)who well into her sixties was rocking some thigh high suede boots, I knew I could still hang.

So I told her the truth, "Because I like them."

Apparently after she was denied access to them and any other pair of my shoes (I'm still waiting for her to have the heels fixed on one of my favorite pair that she broke while practicing her America's Next Top Model stroll) she lost interest and went back to her world, leaving me in my closet trying on my old friends.

My legs and feet are my other best features. Yeah, boobs,legs and feet. (It's all the other stuff in between that gets a little shaky, but I digress.) So as every WMS should do, I tend to wear things that play them up. My skirts hit me in the right place, usually 1 to 3 inches from the knee and I always wear heels, which make them look longer give them nice definition.

And one day I discovered thigh high stockings. As with most things, I stumbled on the stockings and their sex appeal. Years ago, I decided to try them because I absolutely hate pantyhose. They are constricting and they always add another roll around my middle--the last thing my six pack abs(of jello) needed. So fast forward, I put them on with a cocktail dress and at one point in the evening my skirt flipped revealing the top of the stocking. Let's just say my husband's reaction was telling...and I liked it. They brought out my bad girl and made me feel daring and bold AND they solved my pantyhose issue. SEXY and COMFORTABLE...an awesome combination!

Well, natch, the boots followed. They cause the same reaction and the wonderful thing is they do so with whatever I am wearing. Whether I wear the flat pair with a tunic and leggings or the heels with the tops hiding under my skirt hem only to reveal a little skin when I sit, I get a positive reaction and that makes me feel great. But it really doesn't matter if nobody notices because I do and act accordingly.

So the moral of this story is: Find what makes you feel good and daring and sexy and rock it. But don't necessarily LOOK for them, sometimes the best things FIND you. Be in tune with yourself and recognize when something flips the switch and then own the look and work it. And it doesn't have to be anything overtly sexy, just something that is sexy to you. This way they become authentic props to your sensual self and not something you put on (come on, say it with me now) you want to PLAY sexy.

Oh, and the other truth to this story: Don't let any young thing, even if she does belong to you, question your feminine confidence. Remember: they may have the shiny and new equipment, but don't have the slightest idea what to do with it. It's the seasoning that comes with a little wear and tear that really makes a woman sexy--even if she can tuck her boobs in her thigh high boots!

What do you think?

Remember the Lessons

2008-09-11T08:58:00.003-04:00

This is a tough day for me and my family. My husband was a former employee of Cantor Fitzgerald, one of the companies hardest hit in the 9-11 attack. My brother was stationed at the Pentagon at that time. Gratefully, both of my loved ones were spared, but that day we lost so many friends who throughout the years had expanded the quality of our lives with their own.

So every year I light a candle and sit and watch the memorial waiting for their names to be called and remember the things about them that make me smile and inspire me. I'm grateful for each of their legacies because they remind me of the lessons I learned from this horrible time and have carried with me since. They are are simple but profound:

1) Life is too short to waste it worry about what other people think of me or think I should do with my life.

2) Declaring and showing my love is more important than simply feeling it.

3) Appreciation and gratitude for what I already have trumps the regret for what I don't.

4) Desire for something different is the mark of growth not selfishness.

5) Living and being alive are two very different things.

6) Settling is not an option.

What lessons did you learn? It's not too late to recognize and incorporate them into your life. Turn this tragedy into a positive learning experience and bless the men, women and children who perished that day. Thank them for helping you understand that life is meant to be lived and the time to start is now. And then do just that. Live.

Unearthing Your Sensual Man

2008-09-09T11:33:00.003-04:00

For those of us women who have discovered the power and pleasure of living sensuously, trying to enroll our families, particularly our men, into the lifestyle can be a challenge. Most of us would argue that the men in our lives, while great, are not necessarily the sensitive, let-me-stop-and-sniff-the-flowers types. But not so fast.

It is amazing how often we are wrong about what men do and don’t like. And while it’s true you may not get him to walk with you and be awed to tears by the natural beauty that surrounds him, don’t think for a moment that men, no matter how macho, don’t appreciate the experience of living sensually. I emphasize the word ‘experience’ because conceptually, sensuality is not on the conscious radar of the vast majority of men. But you’d be hard pressed to find one that won’t enjoy it when he’s in the midst of your sensual world.

In other words, in order to unearth your sensual man, you may first have to bring the pleasure of sensuous living to him and not be concerned that initially he may not even realize what’s happening. But believe me, before long most of you will see little changes taking place that indicate his transformation.

As pointed out previously, living through your five senses is all about pleasure. Here are a few ideas to help you enroll your family into your sensual world.

1. Turn your environment into a sensual wonderland. If you can’t work on your entire home, start with your bedroom and make it an oasis for relaxation, pleasure and passion. Your makeover can be as simple or as elaborate as you can afford, but even with only a few changes, you can make it a space where your man and his senses are tantalized and seduced. Keep four out of your five senses in mind (taste in this instance has only to do with style, but make sure that his tastes are included!).

2. Savor mealtime. At least once a week, treat yourself and your mate to some sensual dining. Make your meals scrumptious by incorporating assorted textures and tastes, and serve them in a visually pleasing manner. Candles, flowers, and table linens go a long way in helping to make meals more a true dining experience. Take the time to taste and enjoy every bite as you savor your meal and the company of your loved ones. And when possible, include him in the cooking process. Don't just make him your sous chef for the sake of the extra kitchen help--taste and tantalize while cooking up the idea of 'dessert' while you're working--if you know what I mean!

3. Be in the moment and draw him into it with you. As you witness and savor the sensual world around you, share your discoveries and delights with your husband. Happiness and gratitude are contagious. Let him see the new enthusiasm for the beauty of life as you find it and before you know it, he’ll be noticing a few things on his own.

What do you think?